Joe McQ. from Little Rock, AR at Intergroup Fishfry – Memphis, TN – 5/15/1987

(0:01 – 0:53)
It gives me great, great pleasure to bring, to present to you Joe McHugh from Little Rock,
Arkansas. My name is Joe and I’m a real alcoholic. I do God’s grace because this program
works one day at a time in my life.
I haven’t been found it necessary to take a drink since March the 10th of 1962 and for
this I’m extremely grateful. I don’t know what I’ve seen such a beautiful group. Usually
when I look at a bunch like this it brings to mind you know this is the best looking group
of sick people I’ve seen in a long time.
(0:55 – 1:50)
I was just sitting over enjoying the festivities of the fish fry and I was telling a guy at the
table I said this has been the biggest fish fry since that guy fixed that one with them few
fishes and them loads of bread. I guess if we all set up an extra prayer we’ll get this in
before the rain. Remember that you’re praying against a lot of people that are praying
for rain so remember that.
I heard a wonderful story this week a great friend of mine in the program. A few weeks
ago we had a conference in Eureka Springs that he was able to go and carry his wife and
he has a five-year-old son. A sweet little guy and it was probably his first great
experience in Alcoholics Anonymous at a conference and he was very much impressed.
(1:51 – 2:40)
They came home after the conference and first of the week they were having dinner at
home and they had their little prayer that they prayed before the meals and it was
something like God come into our house and be a guest and the little boy pray this and
he said and we pray that this food be blessed and his mother and father picked up the
the knife and fork to eat and the little boy jumped up and stuck his hands out and says
keep coming back it works. I think that’s what this program is all about. As we begin I I
always stand in awe when I think about the opportunity to talk about Alcoholics
Anonymous in my life and and the miracle of my life and I do feel my life is a miracle.
(2:41 – 3:48)
I feel very blessed being an alcoholic and having the opportunity that many alcoholics
will never have. You know really most alcoholics will never have the opportunity of
Alcoholics Anonymous in their life because even yet today with all the things going on
most alcoholics will never realize they’re alcoholics and never come to Alcoholics
Anonymous. So I think it’s the first great gift of my life that I’ve had the blessing that that
to begin with to have the opportunity of Alcoholics Anonymous in my life because
alcoholism is a very strange illness you know that’s the uniqueness of alcoholism.
Most alcoholics don’t realize they’re alcoholics. In fact that’s one of the main symptoms
of alcoholism. You know you can tell who’s an alcoholic because the one that swears he
ain’t got it’s got it.
You know you ask one of these social drinkers you know you say you might be an
alcoholic he said I might be he ain’t got it he ain’t got it. It’s the one that ain’t got it’s got
it. And that was the story of my life I had it many years before I knew I had it.
(3:48 – 4:03)
I didn’t know I was an alcoholic. I took a drink in my life I was about 18 years old and I
realized you know something took place. Some people work at this gradually and I was
an instant alcoholic.
(4:04 – 4:30)
I never I was very blessed to come to Alcoholics Anonymous and open this big book and
find it was the only place that I could find an explanation for my life. When I opened the
big book I read in there and it talked to this you know it said I was restless and irritable
and discontent and that’s the way I was all my life. And for the first time when I took a
drink at night I experienced a sense of ease and comfort that came in my life that
probably I needed at that time.
(4:31 – 4:48)
And it said I remembered that and I really did. I always remembered that sense of ease
and comfort of a few drinks. And I pursued this great illusion to the gates of insanity and
death you know but something that was an illusion not true.
(4:53 – 5:20)
I remember my first drink and I remember I happen to remember my last drink and I
remember a few things that came in between those two drinks. I had a lot of things
happen in between those two drinks. I got married and you know I see a lot of people I
talk about that constantly that I hear people behind these podiums that lost life you
know they lost opportunities they lost businesses millions of dollars have been lost
behind these podiums and opportunities you know.
(5:21 – 5:38)
And I feel very kind of ashamed because I really didn’t lose anything from drinking. That
might sound strange but drinking never did let me get anything you know. Yeah I never
got started you know I was I was one of them guys that never did get started you know.
(5:40 – 49:37)
I went through a marriage and divorce and my home is in Louisville Kentucky and I came
up moved to Indiana where we were married and just divorced a couple kids and I came
back to Kentucky and I was about 25-26 years old and I was back home with my family
you know that’s where drunks drunks get back with the folks pretty quick you know.
We’re really family people you know they say we we don’t do too good in the family but
we we hang with the family. Family can’t get rid of us you know and their folks leave you
know we I didn’t I come back you know I didn’t go too far where I couldn’t come back and
I would always go a little piece and I would always go home when I got broken in trouble
you know whenever I got sick and lost a job or something I said you ought to go see
about your father after all you know that’s not right treating him that way and I would go
home broke and get in trouble embarrass him and my father was getting up in age God
bless him but he would I remember you know I remember you know how we are we are
we’re all people I thought I was a knew it all my father didn’t have much education he
was a little old dumb man with a fourth grade education I had been in my college a
couple years so I looked down on him but he was way ahead of me you know he always I
realized the day that I look back he would always lend me some money to leave he
wouldn’t I was over two or three years before I figured out what he would do I couldn’t
borrow a dime and I said I ain’t doing too good he said I said I’ll beg I’ll go how much you
want to borrow he would always been missing money so I made these trips in and out of
there and I remember that finally I got into a situation and I was gone and I couldn’t go
back I didn’t want to go back on him so I thought about a sister that I had in Little Rock
and I remember the incident and I came to Little Rock it’s been possibly close to 30
years ago I came to Little Rock on a drunk see my sister was living there and what
nobody else had anything new and I hadn’t seen my sister for six seven eight years she
went off to college down there and got married and stayed there so I couldn’t when
nobody else had anything to do with me so I said why don’t you go see your sister you’re
not treating her right after all you know so I’m this is the way I went to Little Rock and I
remember the time that I came to Little Rock it was a I realized not today but it was a
changing point in my life as I look back on it I think God intervened in my life right there
and I think God took an interest in me because I was in trouble you know and this this
special this special emphasis that all alcoholics don’t really get and because as soon as I
got to Little Rock you know things I was to know some people the thing began to start to
to lead to my recovery and I realized today that you know it’s my work and my life is in
Little Rock and you know I think God has given me many many things but the greatest
gift that he’s ever given me is a purpose for my life and I think that not only being sober
but a purpose for my life working with other alcoholics which is my life you know all of us
were created or put on this earth for something and I think the happiest you’re going to
ever be when you find out why you’re here so I have been given this opportunity but I
didn’t realize the beginning of a great purpose and I remember that very night I’ll never
forget the night I stopped through Memphis I made many many trips but I remember
that trip I remember the night that I stopped in Memphis in the bus station on the way to
Little Rock and I got to Little Rock like I did all other places I was broke and I you know I
watch alcoholics today and work with them every day and they come in the serenity
house the same way that I came in you know it hasn’t changed accommodation for
drunks you know I had a little drunk suitcase about that long wasn’t too much in it you
know most of these drunk suitcases don’t have two latches on they have one latch and
then you tie a necktie around one end that’s the way they make them for drunks guys
kid me all the time but I saw a guy come to this pretty house about a year ago and I told
the guy this guy never make it they said why I said hell he’s got alligator luggage you
can’t get sober with alligator luggage but I had one of these little drunk suitcases and I
got there and I got me a job I had a lot of professions if you’re real alcoholic you can do a
whole lot of things when I was sobered up I didn’t need no training I need some
untraining I had too many occupations you know I could do you know if you’re a real
alcoholic you got to do a lot of things to keep it make a time last you know I could cook
and I could wait tables I could do a lot of things so I got me a job went to work and I was
living there with my sister and I you’d have to really know her to understand this part of
my story my sister’s a very religious person has been all her life she’s one of them
steady normal folks that bugged the hell out of you know I mean this I couldn’t say I’d
blow my brains out if I was that normal you know but she does you know uh they get up
in the morning go you know everything the same every day go to work come home no
fun like I was having you know they missed the detox centers and the nut house and the
jails you know they miss a lot of things I’m normal people but uh she uh she would uh go
to they go to church every Sunday I’d have to remember now here I am this is a hell of a
place to be around them kind of people you know they go into church and you try to get
over Saturday night you know and I felt kind of embarrassed so finally one one Sunday
morning I I broke down and volunteered to go to church with them because after all they
would put a little heat on me and this is where I met my wife now and on today and she’s
a great part of my life I don’t know if I’d be here today without her without the help and
the things that we had to go through uh she made me reflect on what was going on in
my life up to this time it was no problem it was just me it didn’t make any difference so
we but we met that church that morning and we all always look back and think from her
viewpoint she tells it different than I do yeah you know how the mountain lions are they
got a different version and everything but you know I realized that that uh how she was
impressed by this nice looking young man I remember that was 30 years ago um coming
into the church and I had a good front because my sister was the organist of the church
and and the organist and lubell was in the choir so you have to understand I don’t know
if the organist and the choir members are pretty close then my brother-in-law was the
lay speaker of the church so I had a pretty good front and I know how she felt seeing this
nice looking young man coming to church and we met there in the church that morning
and and a few months later we were married you know how we alcoholics operate by
selling fast conversations to them slow thinking ladies you know I didn’t let her think too
long and she hadn’t really recuperated from this yet I mean we still talk about it I think
that’s the topic in some of the airline meetings you know that job idea now you’d have to
remember uh at this time she had a nice job for a working lady she’d been on this job
she just retired a few years ago uh 31 years so she had a nice job she had a nice little
home a little modest two-bedroom home we still live in the same home it’s hers I don’t
own anything uh she had a new car and I could thoroughly convinced her and I’m still
working out this suitcase and I thoroughly convinced her how she needed me to take
care of her and she’s still trying to figure out how that happened yeah but we did we got
married and and and uh I was married one week we married at Christmas time you know
and I took off to to celebrate you know I she went to work I hadn’t I was a go-getter I
took her to work and went and got her but both of us couldn’t take off for the
honeymoon so I honeymooned there by myself about a week and after one week of a
marriage honeymoon I made my first trip to the old state nuthouse now we didn’t have
treatment centers in those days we I came in just at the end of insane assailants they
were still around when I came in in early 60s and we had one live and well in Little Rock
and that’s a hell of a place to be a brand new married man starting out in the nuthouse
yeah you know how she must have felt the first Sunday she went to church and says how
his marriage life she said that fool’s in the nuthouse she did me and in one week every
once in a while I tell her you know you gotta run me crazy she said you’re still outpatient
they never cut you loose from out there but there I was setting up the nuthouse you
know we’re talking about alcoholics know it all I was the smartest guy in the nuthouse
yeah no one uh there was no uh no one there was no program no knowledge of
alcoholism I think about it today no I ain’t at this time in the state hospital they just gave
me some some uh some of that thoroazine well I had a thoroazine cell phone we stuck
around there with the rest of the nuts and you know you had a hard time figuring out
who was alcoholic and who was nuts in that place and I got out and did it and I had a
problem they didn’t know anything about it I didn’t know anything about it but I had the
same problem when I got out I had the same results you know I had a problem and I
didn’t understand and no one else understood seemed to understand it I’ll continue to
drink and uh go in and out traveling back and forth during this period the next two years
I was all drunk in Kansas City I never talk about this until I think about Van, Van was
another a wino in a bar in Kansas City and you know one morning I went in there to get a
drink it was six o’clock in the morning and I lowered and wasn’t anybody in there so I
lowered myself to drink with some winos that was hanging down at the end of the bar
yeah and as I went there they were trying to get a drink together and after all I had four
dollars I think it was 60 cents and they was counting pennies and I said that’s okay I’ll
buy so I bought a pint of wine helping my fellow man I always did want to do that and as
these guys begin to drink and the girl would set the glasses on the bar they wouldn’t
give the winos the bottles I don’t know why but they would pour the wine up in glasses
and then I could see her now and she threw the bottle in a big paper barrel and when
she poured the wine up all you know you say give me a pint on three or a pint on four
that’s what you ordered on glasses and I think it was three or four of us and she had
poured the glasses and they were perfectly level but you know nothing is perfect for an
alcoholic the winos would get down and they you know look at the glasses and they
would finally determine if one of these glasses did have a hair more than the other and
classy people now you know wino is a very classy person classy people as they were
they would give that to the man who bought I remember that morning and we were
standing there and van looked at me and I could hear the glass hit his teeth and I said if
you’re an alcoholic you know the magic of the morning drink there’s not a chemical in
the world like that first drink and as we as we took that first drink we begin to talk you
know you ease off a little bit just some general conversation and van said Joe you’re a
pretty nice guy well I knew that you know that wasn’t no new information and he said
you’re a lot different from me and he said you’re a lot different from a lot of other fellas
down here on the street I said I know that he said but Joe you got one problem I said
what’s that man he said Joe you’re drinking too much now I’d had the psychiatrist at the
hospital tell me this I had a lot of educated well-meaning people tell me this but I never
heard it I thank God today you know for van a wino I heard it from van you know this is
why today you know I I try as hard as I can it’s very difficult for me to do to keep an open
mind because so many times you know I listened to the wrong people I look for my
answers in the high and the almighty and they come through small insignificant people
and this way van was in my life a wino everybody in the world talked to me about my
drinking a wino say hey man you’re drinking too much and I immediately bought in
because he was standing probably because he was standing in the middle of the big one
the biggest ones I ever seen he had the evidence it bugged me I finished my drink drank
for three or four more days then all at once I had to get out of that town I had to get out
of here I gotta do something about this now this was the beginning I had a problem and I
knew I had a problem I knew something about it from van but I didn’t know enough
about it see I thought my problem was drinking van said I was drinking too much and if
you’ve got a drinking problem and you’re drinking too much then the solution is to just
quit drinking right if that’s all you but my problem was bigger than that I didn’t know it in
fact my problem wasn’t drinking no way my problem was quitting in fact it wasn’t
quitting I could quit but I couldn’t stop starting starting wasn’t a problem you know
starting wasn’t a problem when I came on home and I quit drinking and since that wasn’t
a problem it didn’t really work I quit drinking for nine months but see I started up again I
didn’t do anything about my life I didn’t know at this time I didn’t really know what my
problem was and I see many alcoholics that’s really worrying about drinking and that’s
not the main problem my book says the main problem of the alcoholic is in his mind
that’s the starter not the body and you know I um one morning I took a drink and after
you know six weeks drunk went to the well-known spree one morning I was sitting on a
bar on march 10th 1962 and that magic thing you know that magic insight that great
that gift that God gives us there’s alcoholics so we’re not capable of surrender surrender
is a gift you know surrender is a gift I came to that magic moment sitting on a bar and I
just gave up on me and I think that’s what this program is all about you know giving up
on yourself you know you really don’t have to find God God ain’t lost hear me yeah he’s
been right here a long time you can’t get lost you’ve been here that long the the job is to
give up on ourselves and I gave up on me that morning I was sitting on a bar and the
next thing caught my mind about going back to this nut house now for two years I swore
I’d never go back to that nut house and anybody with any sense would have did the
same thing this place was horrible you know it wasn’t like one of the treatment centers
of the day you know and I remember I got back there and and uh that Saturday morning
on March 10th and I remember how they treat you when you go back in when you go
into a mental institution now when you went into old asylums people didn’t talk to you
because they know you were nuts you know when you came in that’s what you came
everybody was a nut now when you got in the nut ward on our ward uh that uh there
were about 75 nuts and about five alcoholics well the the nut the alcoholics was the
class of the ward they were the upper class of the ward it was the only place I’ve ever
been where alcoholism was a status symbol but in the in the mental institution the
alcoholics were the big shots of the hospital we had the special privileges the aides
talked to us see some of those mental people had been in there for 20 years and never
had a visitor no one they were just nine individuals but we alcoholics had company and
they and we had other different things going so when you talk when you ask one of them
nuts what he was in there for all the nuts were to me they say oh I’m an alcoholic see
they wanted to be in the big shots and quite naturally when you ask one of the alcoholics
what he was in there for he said nervous breakdown which was crazy so you couldn’t tell
who was who in there I didn’t know who was who they all was acting the same way so
finally I was on Saturday morning and on Monday morning when this guy watched me all
the weekend the little alcoholics I could see these I could I could tell the difference but
the alcoholics watched me and finally Monday morning one of them came over to me
and his name was Aura and Aura was a great part of my life I wouldn’t be here today
without Aura and Aura was not a learned man in Alcoholics Anonymous I didn’t need that
I love the work of Paul Paul says God’s grace is sufficient that means just good enough
Aura was not a man found in the big book he didn’t have years of sobriety he was
enough for me he had about two weeks of locked up sobriety and he had the big book
and he had a carton of caramel cigarettes that’s all he had now I’m broke I had two
dollars fifty cents when I was sitting on that bar spending about two dollars for a cab fare
had 50 cents when I got there bought a pack of cigarettes 35 cents you know how long
ago that’s been blew the rest of it on a cup of candy bar I’m stone broke and I say broke I
mean broke I mean I didn’t have a car I didn’t have no investment I mean that was it
come on this guy’s got uh I you know no one in there had any ready roll cigarettes you’d
have to really understand this a cigarette was a premium in this hospital oh they give
you some of this roll your own tobacco and I never did learn I was coming off a drug
didn’t never roll a cigarette in my life no way shaking oh and I don’t have any trouble
talking about your life being unmanageable because mine was totally unmanageable all I
could smoke was taking my tobacco and paper and give it to one of them nuts and let
him roll it and lick it give it back to me now you know I’m in bad shape and this guy’s got
a whole carton of caramels and the big book so I listened to him now he didn’t know a
thing about the big book and I used to think or we read the big book but you know yeah
you really rethink these things and look back we didn’t read the big book what or I would
always have it and and I thank God for Alcoholics Anonymous for the fellowship of
Alcoholics Anonymous the program is fine but that book talks about the fellowship too I
wouldn’t be here without the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous you know and I think
it’s very important that I I myself individually as a person it’s very important for me to
live the program of Alcoholics Anonymous you know not just to work it but to be an
example because that’s just why I’m here today because some guys were living their
program of Alcoholics Anonymous and they came out on our ward and Ora talked about
these three guys from Alcoholics Anonymous he didn’t talk about the book so they really
had impressed him and he talked about how what they said what they did and they was
like him but they sober now how long they’ve been sober and he said they coming out to
a meeting be here Wednesday night he said will you go and that’s just where I went to
my first AA meeting I went out there because a guy had been nice to me because he told
me that these guys would come out and they’d bring three packs of cigarettes and lay
on the table and he said he’ll bring a pot of coffee and I left the back wards at a hospital
25 years ago you know and what I wanted was a real cigarette and a cup of coffee and
God gave me a brand new life we talk about the grace of God a gift unwarranted that’s
all I wanted was a cup of coffee and a cigarette and I met these three guys from
Alcoholics Anonymous and I thank God they were real alcoholics you know God thought
enough to send the very best he didn’t send no chumps out there you know I mean
these were real alcoholics and you know I went left there I said I know what you know I
you know how drugs are they don’t know nothing but they know everything and I already
knew what AA was all about never heard of it in my life but I had already figured it out I
said AA is something like a bunch of drugs but I figured it was something like a plain
clothes salvation army you know didn’t have uniform but same damn thing you know
and they was gonna preach and do all this stuff and beat all these tamarins and talk
about the Lord and I said and meddling your business them people kind of meddled you
need to do this I said if they’d say that to me I’m gonna get them straight well the guy
didn’t say none of that this idiot got up and talked about himself didn’t talk about me
didn’t meddle in my business and I was very offended that he didn’t offend me you know
how we are so I said after the meeting I he was standing over there drinking coffee and I
slipped around there where he was should have left him alone but I had messed with him
and and he was standing up right he was dressed nice head on tied the shirt at that time
and this guy became my sponsor was my sponsor that and I said Charles uh I hear what
you said about your life since he didn’t mail with me I said what do you think I should do
I invited it and I don’t forget him he looked down maybe this is why I love that guy so
much it was as that first statement said he looked down at me with a big smile and it
was a loving but it was firm and he says fella I was telling you what I did he says frankly I
don’t give a damn what you do he said that’s your business he said that’s your business
he said but if you would like to show you what I did so you can do the same thing I will
talk to you and it was right there it was right we came together that night and this man
changed my life this man changed my life you know I really can’t talk about it so much
he he has given me so much over the years and he had a heart attack uh last year and
and I was able to see him three or four months ago and I you know how it is you better
think about what the things you want to tell this person you know that I haven’t told you
that I really feel about you and we began to sit down and talk about these the openly
kind of share uh my my gratitude to him and he in turn you know he said well I need to
tell you something and I said well what’s that child and he said you know uh your work
and what you do with and what you have done with people since you’ve been sober and
and your life and your work is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me in our
college you know I I still didn’t know and yeah and I just didn’t know where he was but
you know I I came to Alcoholics Anonymous and Charles started enough to bring me
remember this was in 1962 I got out of the hospital and I didn’t drink I didn’t knock down
the doors of IA but you know how we alcoholics are we get busy when we get a little
sober you know we I work with people in treatment we get busy get a lot of business
when you ain’t drinking ain’t you know and I had a lot of business and I got involved in
this and I didn’t go to AA or wrote me a letter June the 13th 1962 I got out of the hospital
April the 30th June the 13th I got a letter from oral I said Joe I don’t have time to write
you it was a little it wasn’t even a letter it was a folded piece of paper he tore out of his
kid’s tablet I have it today and I framed it it’s one of the most important things that I own
and he said Joe I don’t have time to write you I’m coming back to Little Rock today
meeting on Ward E3 he says I will see you there very positive you know like come with
me and I wasn’t no I didn’t have any doubt I said well I gotta be there I gotta see oral and
I went back to that at my AA meeting to see oral and there were some things that
happened there that night you know that was right across the it was just right across
town and I had never been there in 30 days or this guy came 90 miles away and I had
lived right there and I could have missed it you know how we drunk so I wouldn’t go to
California on a drunk but we’ll get sober we can’t get across towns at AA meeting you
know ain’t got transportation you know that’s the way we do but anyway oral was there
that night and some things the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous came into my life our
book talks about this the fellows that’s what’s here today so beautifully the fellowship
there’s two things my book says there’s two things in the recovery number one you know
was the first step says that we’re powerless over alcohol and I realized you know that I
am powerless I have you know alcoholism is a very strange illness it’s a dual part of my
problem is in my body I can’t drink safely you know if I take a drink I experience a
craving that’s beyond my mental control I cannot safely use alcohol in any form at all
and I will always be that way if I take the first drink I want the second the third and the
fourth and that’s abnormal so I’m allergic to alcohol but you know my main problem is
I’m always trying to drink something that I could never will be able to drink you know so
if you can’t drink because of the body and you can’t quit because of the mind you’re
powerless now obviously if you’re powerless the second step the first step shows us the
problem and if you are powerless obviously the solution is power and it talks about this
you know on our book it talks about what this power is the fellowship of alcoholics
anonymous is a very powerful thing you know it says we are we are we are average
americans right here today many different occupations here today many different social
religious economic and religious backgrounds are here today we’re normally people that
should not mix none of us should ever been here today none of us should have known
the other you know this group here today is so beautiful but this is the most mixed up
group of people you’ve ever seen go around check and see what they work see what
kind of work they do they do all kind of work they belong to all kind of religions they’re
just a mixed up group of people but said amongst us among this fellowship though you
know there is a friendliness and an understanding you know i mean that is extremely
wonderful there’s something very close and this is a support group it’s a support group
of the people that have the same problem and that’s power in the fellowship there’s
power in us together that we support each other this is what going to the meetings and
doing all that’s all about but then my book said that is not enough that it would have not
held us as we’re now here you know there’s more to this than just a fellowship of
alcoholics anonymous and our book tells us that said this would have never held us
together as we’re now here so the other thing that how do we have the same common
problem we have the same common solution and my book tells me lay around the
common solution alcoholism is a vital spiritual experience you know so there are two
things a fellowship and a spiritual experience that comes about as results of working the
stamp and you know and i saw i was like most alcoholics i went to the fellowship at night
and i enjoyed it god i felt better i went home told my wife she said what kind of meeting
is it i said i don’t know she said what did it do i said they don’t do a hell of a lot they
drink a lot of coffee and smoke a lot of cigarettes but i said sure makes you feel good i
believe i’ll go back next week and that’s you know and i just went and man i got in that
fellowship i started going there meetings felt better i ever felt in my life and that’s all i
was going to do yeah i didn’t need it i seen them steps and all that but i said man i you
know and i think a lot of people get caught up in the fellowship of alcoholics and i feel
better than you ever felt for a long time being part of you have part of that power but
the real power recovery comes through the vital spiritual experience you know if you
want to become a recovery member of alcoholics anonymous you’ve got to take some
steps some action you got to take you got to make some changes just like i tell people
you know you can’t go to pay pta meeting every night for nine days and become a
parent you you have to go through another process you really can’t so i had to uh i had
to begin this thing this change in my life and you know my book says this is not easy and
it wasn’t easy for me you know in early days and this was a time so um my sponsor god
bless him he was a guy that that loved me enough i remember i realized today what he
had done the impact of what he did for my life you know this was in 1962 now those of
us here remember what was going on in the country now this was a spring of the city
into the demonstrations and this wasn’t the best time to be the first black doing anything
it was it was bad you know but this guy you know i wonder today if i would be in that
position see charles’s was life was turned to a it’s so brandy but he took me and i wonder
if i would take someone to a that threatened my a life but his a life was threatened
because of me but he carried me okay and i would go to this uh uh place in the morning
similar to a halfway house where alcoholics stayed and they would have a meeting there
every morning i couldn’t stay there but they would let me come to the meeting and
finally you know after a few days uh the first week or so the manager of the place carried
me over and he said you know you’re welcome to come to these meetings and i want
you to be back in the morning he said but when the meeting’s over you have to leave he
said you can’t stay around and you can’t drink coffee and you can’t fellowship but you
can come to the meeting he said but be back in the morning and i came back i came
back because i had a ticket to this thing now you gotta have a ticket to get in there hey
all right now i see a lot of people around they ain’t got the ticket only thing to get this
ticket is a desire to stop drinking and you gotta earn that ticket you know i see a lot of
people sitting around looking for a ticket you can’t get the ticket around there but my
book says if you go out there and drink enough booze and get sick enough you’ll get a
desire to stop drinking and i had it so it didn’t make no difference to me i came back you
know and they got to there and they i had to take they said now if you’re powerless and
your solution is power those are the first two steps say yeah this is that simple and i said
if you have if you can see that then you’re ready for the program you’re ready to take
some action if you’re powerless and the solution is power then the main proposition is
then how do you find this power and we got 10 steps to show you how to find this power
10 simple steps which have never failed to enable us to find a power greater than
ourselves which will solve our problems it never failed never failed so the first step
shows you where you are and the second step shows you where you need to be and the
last 10 show you how to get from one to two they’re just that simple so i had to take this
program of action i made a decision the first step to anything doing anything is a
decision and then i had certain steps to clear away the things that blocked me from god
you know i had to find out what these things were in step four and identify them in step
five i discussed them with someone else in step six i become ready to let them go and
step seven i started to remove and these all these were the action steps to clear away
the things that blocked me off from that decision i made in step three yeah simple step
eight or nine i continue to do this to to work on my relationship with people and step 10
is continuation of the same process i continue to watch myself as i come back here
because continue to watch for resentment and fear and when i had a problem with a
problem i discussed it with someone else and if i offended the one i took step eight and
nine again i have to practice in these action steps that carried out that decision then you
know the promises come into my life you know you know i remember the instant i i got
results see the first second step says you believe the first step says you decide the next
step says you act and after you act you get results the 12th step says having had this
then you know you know it’s real simple and as i begin to apply these things are these
things never fail they are precise specific clear-cut directions that never fail you know we
talk today we talk about this that once these things were done then i could enter into a
relationship with god you know in step 11 then i could receive god’s directions in my life
in step 3 i turned over my directions took the actions in step 11 i received new directions
the changing of directions in a human life you know i think you know things begin to
happen for me and i think that will happen every time that these steps are taken the
miracle of my recovery is very simple as a result of these steps this is the message i
carry in step 12 as a result of these 11 steps i have had a spiritual awakening now that is
a personality change sufficient to recover from alcoholism i was just like you but as a
result of these steps the miracle of Alcoholics Anonymous has worked in my life you
know i uh i i’ve tried to uh it says to carry this message to other people i think it’s one of
the greatest things in my life is to have the opportunity to work and talk with so many
people and i never get tired of talking about the miracle of my recovery and how it
happened in my life it happened as direct results of those steps as i applied them on a
daily basis you know i’ve had many things to to take place in my life talking about how it
is now i began to do what i was to do on a daily basis you know work with alcoholics i
remember i was at this uh little rehab house it’s still there now and i i didn’t go to a as
such you know this was my a meeting there every morning now we just had three or four
meetings in little rock and they met at night you know the regular a groups that met at
night so this was my a every morning there with those men we’d have the big book we’d
have our meetings um i was sober quite a few years before i was i worked at night
waiting tables so daytime morning meetings every morning five and six mornings a week
was my a for the first year after a while i continued to do this because this was my a life
uh five years you know i uh i began to uh want to do something more after about a year
of sobriety i began to have the opportunity to work with alcoholics at the penal forum
going out there each sunday morning i did that for about 10 years after a while i began
to do other work at the old rehab house um i began to serve on the board of directors at
the rehab house and i thought that was ironic to ask you to be on the board of directors
in the first week they wouldn’t let you in the damn place you know but that’s really the
miracle of uh of Alcoholics Anonymous and the real things that have taken place in my
life can only be explained by the big book it’s the miracle of Alcoholics Anonymous that
made all these things possible i began to do other things with alcoholics and then after
about eight or nine years sobriety i was able and i was involved and started this reindeer
house in little rock which i’m director today i’ve been for 16 years um i began to do other
things i began to serve on the some of the things i was appointed for the through the
state to work with alcoholics as a volunteer uh in the direction of the state alcohol and
drug programs and i worked on the the the arkansas office on alcohol and drug abuse
the committee that actually the authority that governs these programs and i worked on
that for about 12 years and i i really stood in all the last three years that i was actually
chairman of the state authority to control all all the alcohol and drug programs in the
state of arkansas and i sat there and we was able to govern 78 million dollars for
alcoholics and drug addicts and you know to come from where i come from how do you
get to do that the miracle of Alcoholics Anonymous you know i had many many things
happen to me and i really i expect many many more you know because the miracle is
simply getting what you need when you need it and i’ve been getting that every day i’ve
been to programs Alcoholics Anonymous you know this is part of God’s plan and i think
that you know i get i see new people i see the people here today and i i guess getting
food is when if you really knew the excitement in your life that lies ahead as a result of
these steps you know there are many many things that’s beyond the spiritual experience
my book talks about you’ll be doing things you never thought you’d be able to do many
many promises in the but we talk about the promises on 83 and 84 we don’t even talk
about the promises on 84 and 85 and all the other promises there are many many
promises you know and the truth of the day i could make many many promises as a
result of these steps now i look back up and i think about the miracle of my recovery why
i like so much to tell about this because there might be somebody that don’t hear this
and i think that that’s what the 12th step is all about telling other people you know not
taking our thing that we’ve been given and using it for the benefit of our life and just you
know enjoying it i see many many people who attempt to do that some people get away
with they think but taking this gift and taking this light and putting it under the bushel as
that great big big book says you know as in that book that it talks about as we close up a
miracle of healing and it was sort of like these guys were leopards like we are we are the
modern day leopards the alcoholics and the drug addicts for the modern day leopards
and these leopards came to the master and he well in fact he saw them coming they
were coming to ask to be healed and it was a custom in those days that the leopards
would not come amongst the people and he didn’t break any laws of the men of those
days so when he saw these people come he warned them don’t come here y’all stay
back over there don’t come in to the crowd and they wanted to be healed he said well i
tell you what you do you just go on down to the go on down to the temple walk toward
the temple and you will be healed so these leopards they they they just left and started
walking and as they walked toward the temple they were cleansed it was 10 of them and
as they were cleansed that uh they looked down and saw their conditions and you know
how drunk they probably like alcoholics they got real busy one of them as soon as he
saw he was clean he said boy i gotta go home and get me some new clothes one of them
probably had to get a job you know two or three of them had to see the girlfriends some
of them had to get transportation all of them you know had to get a new ride do some
things one man one of them one out of the ten said i gotta go back and thank you one of
them one of them came back i said thank you i often wonder what happened to those
others nine they got over their leprosy yeah but what about the rest of their lives how
did they live were they happy were they complete what it full how did they have other
problems that they didn’t know how to handle probably did but the one that came back
he looked at him he said i got something extra for you because you came back he said
brother our faith shall make you whole you complete he had something going because
he came back and said thank you and i think that that’s what that 12th step is all about
those are the people that come back and say thank you and they got a little something
special and i think this is the real power the real joy of living for me is in that 12th step
the greatest growth step of the program by Alcoholics Anonymous is that 12th step
where we can come back and say thank you Alcoholics Anonymous by extending our
hand to another alcoholic thank you and god bless you