Sandy B. from Tampa, FL at Sober Village – 2/5/2005 – “Maintaining A Spiritual Condition”

(0:02) Okay, well good afternoon everybody. Welcome to another Club Med Sober Vacations workshops. (0:13) My name’s Sandy Beach and I’m an alcoholic.
Why don’t we start this out with a moment (0:19) of silence followed by the serenity prayer. God, grant me the serenity to accept the things (0:28) I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. (0:37) Well I want to thank Steve for inviting me to do this.
This is titled Maintaining Our (0:45) Spiritual Condition and I’m sure we’ll get something in that neighborhood. I do these (0:52) things pretty extemporaneously and then I find out later on that it was close to the (0:58) subject but I always find it entertaining for myself and I hope it is for you all. (1:08) For some unknown reason, what first comes into my mind, there’s a pamphlet called The (1:15) Member’s Eye View of Alcoholics Anonymous.
Been around for years. It used to have a big (1:20) eyeball on the front and then general service decided it needed a new cover so I don’t (1:26) recognize it anymore but if you haven’t read it, it was written by a guy named McGinnis (1:32) who was giving a lecture to the American Medical Association and they wanted to know all about (1:40) alcohol, Alcoholics Anonymous. And it’s a rather lengthy pamphlet but this is his talk (1:48) explaining AA and it’s the only pamphlet that someone wrote like that and then submitted (1:57) to the general service board for editing that was not changed in any fashion.
So it’s really (2:06) amazing that if you want to read a very good pamphlet about describing AA, that’s it. (2:12) Now in that pamphlet, he has this very short section and it kind of made me think about what (2:21) I wanted to talk about today. He got talking about, it must have been popular to say back (2:28) then, that if you just attended a lot of meetings, something would rub off and he said this is what (2:37) rubs off.
Death. You sit at the meetings while mental, physical and spiritual rigor (2:51) mortis sets in because that’s a plan of no action. That is a plan of trying to survive (3:02) and achieve spirituality on somebody else’s work and so you go there and I think it’s (3:09) possible to stay sober that way where you have just allowed the excitement of the meetings (3:19) and the people in it and all of that to sort of buoy us up to a certain level and just (3:27) coast along on that amount of spirituality.
It’s almost like we’re riding on the shoulders (3:35) of others but as time goes on, you might be in the program and allow that to go on for (3:41) eight or ten years, there comes a realization that maybe we’re missing something that the (3:49) fundamental program was designed to give you as an individual. They say sometimes that (3:56) all AA promises is sobriety. Oh, really? How about reading the promises? What do they offer? (4:05) Boy, you read those, we read them at meetings all the time.
Wow, that’s like the world. You (4:13) read those promises, that is like the world and so there’s obviously a huge jackpot for (4:22) each individual that becomes a seeker. You know when they read chapter five, the last (4:30) word in what we read is sought.
Remember it says A, we’re alcoholic, couldn’t manage our (4:35) own lives. B, no human power could have relieved our alcoholism and then I used to think it (4:41) said and God would and could and there’s three more words. If he were sought, there are four (4:48) more words and so seeking is a key word in achieving the rewards that alcoholics anonymous (4:59) have in my opinion and so seeking, what is seeking? What does that mean? The first time (5:08) I came across that word was in grammar school and we played hide and seek.
I think the first (5:14) time I thought what does seek mean and they said well this guy’s going to go hide, you hide your (5:20) eyes and then you go seek him and I saw that I was very excited by that game and I came out and they (5:28) said ready, get set, go and my enthusiasm would last about three minutes but if I didn’t find him (5:35) in three minutes I just said to hell with him, come on out. That’s about it, that’s my maximum (5:42) seeking capacity as far as this is concerned so you know now when somebody else hid then I was (5:51) renewed. My seeking was fired up again and it was good for three minutes and then it was you know (5:58) enough of the seeking, there’s nothing there to hell with it but it got escalated later on when (6:05) my mother explained Easter baskets and that they would be hidden and there was a pound of assorted (6:15) chocolate in there that would be mine if I properly could find it and I think that seeking (6:22) would sometimes go up as high as 10 or 11 minutes and then I’d be going am I cold, am I hot, am I (6:30) close? I was starting to lose interest even in this chocolate, you know what I’m saying? It’s (6:37) hard to sustain a level of seeking that is necessary to find the chocolate.
It would (6:44) eventually wane and I would stop being a seeker and be looking for something else to do but there (6:52) was one occasion when I think I’ve experienced what this is talking about here and that was I (7:02) think it was probably about 12 or 13 years old and we had had a golden retriever for four or five (7:08) years that was worshipped by every member of the family and he ran away and I remember coming home (7:17) from school and asking my mother where he was and she said he I don’t know he just ran away when it (7:22) ran in those woods and we’ve called we’ve searched and we can’t find him and so for the next couple (7:30) of weeks that every time there was a spare moment that family would get in the car and we’d drive (7:36) around looking for this dog and even after that I mean years would go by and then when when I was (7:43) home I would go over to those woods may have been a hopeless search but I’d stand there going maybe (7:50) he’ll come out my heart was seeking something very very important obviously much more important (7:58) than hide-and-seek or the chocolates was I wanted that dog in my life I wanted what he meant to me (8:06) and the comfort and all of that and to me that is somewhere in the vicinity of what our higher (8:18) could mean to us to make a decision to be a seeker and to find that part of us that wants to be found (8:31) is screaming out to be found and that is missing and we know it’s missing and it was fixed when (8:41) we drank and it wasn’t fixed when we kept guts over and the steps are designed to fix it and go (8:50) into meetings and getting excited by other people’s programs is a temporary fix but the underlying (9:01) problem will only be fixed when you personally make this connection that is described on page (9:11) 25 and one I’m just going to read a few excerpts as I go along but these sometimes we see these (9:18) sentences I don’t know about you but I guess everybody you know you read the big book again (9:22) and you go wow I didn’t see the significance of that and I didn’t see the significance of this (9:28) and anyway Bill is writing in there is a solution I can find the page here it is and he’s he’s (9:41) describing our resistance to the solution he said there is a solution then he says almost none of us (9:50) like the self-searching the leveling of our pride the confessions of our shortcomings which (9:58) the process requires for its successful consummation but we saw that it really worked in others and we (10:10) had come to believe in the hopelessness and futility of life as we had been living it and (10:17) that can apply if we’ve been around for a number of years we suddenly realized we’ve been at the (10:23) same level for a long time and it’s losing its vitality so what is the problem we therefore when (10:34) therefore we were approached by those in whom the problem had been solved there was nothing left for (10:43) but to pick up the simple kit of spiritual tools laid at our feet and then the next sentence we have (10:54) found much of heaven and we have been rocketed into the fourth dimension of existence of which (11:00) we had not even dreamed the great fact so now what is the great fact of Alcoholics Anonymous (11:09) that we have conventions and meetings and celebrate now that’s not the great fact is just (11:16) this and nothing less that we have had deep and effective spiritual experiences which have (11:23) revolutionized our whole attitude towards life towards our fellows and towards God’s universe (11:29) the central fact of our life today is the and this is my what I really want to emphasize the (11:39) absolute certainty that our Creator has entered into our hearts and lives in a way which is indeed (11:48) miraculous he has commenced to accomplish those things for us which we could never do for (11:54) ourselves if you’re seriously alcoholic as we were we believe there is no middle-of-the-road (12:00) solution so I like to think about that the scent that in other words what is the prize of Alcoholics (12:09) Anonymous it is the absolute certainty for us as an individual that our Creator has entered our (12:16) hearts and lives there in a way which is indeed miraculous if that hasn’t happened it may be that (12:24) we just haven’t sought enough and it could just be right over there I mean it may be just one more (12:31) reach for that actual experience to happen to us as an individual and so it’s in that sense that (12:40) when we talk about maintaining our spiritual condition that’s the condition that we’re talking (12:44) about and Bill calls it a spiritual experience of spiritual awakening whatever you want to call it (12:53) that is what we’re talking about so I guess what I’m talking about today is when we look at the 12th (12:59) step and it says having had a spiritual awakening as the result so in other words what is the point (13:05) of doing all the steps to have that spiritual awakening so having had that spiritual awakening (13:12) then we try to carry the message to others and practice these principles which will keep enable (13:17) us to maintain that so I remember the question came up it was kind of an interesting thing well (13:22) where does the spiritual awakening occur you know where does it well I think it’s described (13:30) most accurately in the promises if you want to see what a spiritual awakening is like just look (13:38) at those promises because all of those verbs are spiritual verbs they’re not something that a (13:45) psychiatrist would say or a psychologist would say or a pragmatic person would say in other words we (13:52) go what is the core problem for alcoholics self-centeredness self-centeredness the roots (13:59) of all our problems self-seeking is the heart of all our problems and then you look in the promises (14:05) well how do we solve this self-seeking oh don’t worry it’s going to slip away slip away what about (14:17) my panic about money and I feel so insecure oh don’t worry that’s gonna leave you fear of people (14:25) and economic insecurity it’s been with me all my life what do they do they have a little meeting (14:30) some night and they go we’re tired of hanging around this guy let’s leave and they’re gone (14:37) you see what I’m saying there’s no explanation they’re just gone so how does this happen what (14:45) is all of this it is a process that occurs when the steps are thoroughly taken there is nothing (14:54) beyond it or anything it is this is the process and there it is in the ninth step when we finally (15:02) have gone through all of the early steps and have come up and have made that last amend so that the (15:09) past is no longer one of our burdens we have dealt with that thing to the best of our ability (15:17) and are free to enter for the first time in our lives the tenth step which is the now and we find (15:28) out that this power greater than ourselves well it says in the in the tenth step in the big book (15:35) right after the promises is this sentence we are now entering the world of the spirit we’re now (15:42) entering the world of the spirit and we start seeing spiritual release spoken I think the (15:49) promises I was telling somebody what have a sign outside of a a meeting spiritually spoken here (15:54) because that spiritual lease is self-seeking will slip away that’s spiritual leads you go slip away (16:01) how does that happen and then later on if I can find this page real quick Bill is talking about (16:09) our drinking now that we’re talking about it in spiritual release remember what it says about our (16:16) drinking in step 10 right up to the promises for by this time sanity will have returned we will (16:30) seldom be interested in liquor we will seldom be interested now is that an unusual thing for (16:36) alcoholic what does it feel like to be sober you’re going to seldom be interested in liquor (16:44) oh really I don’t think so I don’t think that’s going to happen to me I mean how could I sell (16:52) them be interested oh yes you will if tempted we’ll recoil as if from a hot flame we will (16:59) react sanely and normally and we will find that this has happened automatically we will see that (17:07) our new attitude towards liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part see this (17:15) is spiritual lease this is not where you can do anything this isn’t you doing a thing it’s just (17:21) been given to you it’s a gift that is handed to us like the spiritual awakening but as Bill says (17:31) in the 12th step when he’s discussing this spiritual awakening we prepare ourselves to receive (17:38) it that is what the steps do it reminds me of somebody who moves out in the country and he goes (17:47) to the post office and he said I want to start having my mail delivered to such and such a street (17:52) go well out here you have to dig a hole in the ground and put a post in and put up this size (17:58) mailbox and then we will drive up and put the thing in the mailbox the guy said hey man I haven’t (18:07) got time to be doing that just throw it on the lawn and then he gets no mail and if he’s in (18:15) the self-centered alcoholic like the rest of us he thinks people stopped writing him and he gets (18:22) this rejection feeling and what he did he didn’t prepare himself to receive the mail and so if we (18:31) don’t prepare ourselves to have this spiritual gift given to us it’s easy to conclude that there’s no (18:39) such thing as a spiritual gift well I’ve been coming around here a long time no higher powers (18:44) come into my life and done any of this stuff so as far as I’m concerned there’s no such thing as (18:48) a higher power you see what I’m saying I remember saying that I mean yeah I know you people may have (18:53) had it happen but hasn’t happened to me I knew God didn’t like me ever since I was a little kid (18:58) the nuns told me that told me I was a piece of crap and so it’s kind of bearing this out and (19:03) I hadn’t done the homework in order to have this awakening and these things happen so Bill goes (19:11) on to say we will find this has happened automatically it has been given to us this (19:17) new attitude without any effort on our part it just comes that’s the miracle of it so all of this (19:22) spiritual lease is miracle we are not fighting it neither are we avoiding temptation here’s my one (19:33) of my favorite lines we feel as though we’ve been placed in the position of neutrality this is what (19:39) you do you just been lifted up and placed into this position of neutrality safe and protected (19:48) we have not even sworn off instead the problem has been removed this is all spiritual solutions (19:57) that’s what it looks like the problem is just removed it isn’t figured out there’s no revenge (20:05) there’s no retribution there’s no nut it just is lifted out when you have a resentment lifted (20:11) out and you after it’s lifted out you go I wonder why I was resentful in the first place you’ve been (20:17) set free from it rather than a human solution of getting even or whatever it is it is all spiritual (20:26) lease instead the problems are it doesn’t exist for us we are neither cocky nor are we afraid that (20:34) is our experience that’s how we react as long as we keep in fit spiritual condition and then he goes (20:42) on to say it’s easy to let up on this spiritual program of action and rest on our laurels we are (20:49) headed for trouble if we do for alcohol is a subtle foe we are not cured of alcoholism what (20:55) we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition (21:02) and that’s what we’re talking about today the maintenance of our spiritual condition why would (21:07) that be hard if it is so enjoyable to have this freedom and to have this this way of having (21:16) problems just lift it up taken off our shoulders you know here I got this terrible problem hey (21:21) God would you mind lifting this off my shoulder be glad to how does it feel oh it feels wonderful (21:28) thank you why don’t we just do that all the time that’s why we’re here to try and think about that (21:35) why wouldn’t we do that all the time so I’ll give you an analogy let’s suppose that instead of all (21:43) the steps the program consisted of this you come in here and you go you’re a bad egg oh yeah I’m (21:50) a bad alcohol you do anything to be oh yeah yeah okay well we have a path to happiness it’s a (21:56) bike path and here’s your a a bike and as long as you ride this bike down this a a path you will (22:05) have one day after another of serenity and your life is all planned for you by a power greater (22:14) than yourself that lays out the path every day all you do is ride that bike along and that’s (22:20) your total responsibility and you go good I love it what a deal this is the that’s freedom man now (22:27) as you’re getting on the bike it’s a two-wheel bike you notice it has training wheels bothers (22:34) your ego a little bit but you don’t say anything you go this is part yeah the training wheels are (22:42) part of the bike okay so you’re riding and you’re enjoying life it turns out it’s it’s absolutely (22:49) true what they told you that this is every day you ride the path and you’re happy but have they (22:57) been riding five or six years and you’ve never once lost your balance enough for those training (23:04) wheels to kick in they start to bother you you know I look bad riding the bike with training (23:12) wheels I saw those people looking at me said God he’s been sober ten years he still got training (23:19) wheels on his bike guess he’s not working much of a program guess who gets involved now our ego our (23:29) ego can’t stand God this is this is the worst thing that could happen to our ego is God I don’t know (23:39) if you’ve ever had this happen but sometimes when I’m tired I’m exhausted at night and I was kind (23:45) of jump into bed without saying my prayers and then I’ll feel bad and I remember one night my (23:52) ego said listen go ahead and go to sleep I’ll say your prayers for you and I saw I eavesdropped on (24:02) my ego praying and this is his prayer he said God great creator the universe source of all love (24:14) divinity it was really cool I mean this guy was really laying it on I ask that you make us serene (24:25) that you make us totally accepting that you make us totally understanding and giving and loving and (24:35) kind and generous I ask that you grant this to us I ask that you bestow upon us all your blessings (24:47) I ask that you give this as soon as possible because as soon as you do give it we’re gonna (24:55) get rid of your sorry ass and we’re gonna run this show on our own because ever since you (25:04) moved in with that alcohol deal I’ve noticed that you’re trying to take over the whole damn (25:11) territory you’re muscling into lust you’re muscling into greed you’re muscling into everything (25:19) and it’s pretty obvious for me to see that if you succeed I don’t exist so I’m not going down (25:27) without a fight I just want you to know that so we have been given the dichotomy of the human (25:35) existence which is the struggle between our material side and our spiritual side and I was (25:42) kidding Steve about this I said where are you going to find this struggle characterized where (25:49) do you see Bill right about it and it’s in the sixth step and it’s called the riddle of our (25:58) existence and this is what I think from memory what that what Bill writes about I mean if there’s (26:08) any place where the full impact of the program is laid out it’s in the sixth step we were entirely (26:18) ready to have God remove all our defects of character now everybody who comes to that step (26:26) goes and and if you were to ask him would you like that we go yeah I mean God I don’t know (26:35) anybody who hasn’t said yeah then why don’t we do it why isn’t everybody in here character defect (26:42) free well we take back our yes when we get into the details it reminds me of the federal deficit (26:51) would you like the deficit gone yes okay we’re gonna raise your taxes got your program we’re (26:57) gonna oh on second thought let’s qualify this deal it’s in the specifics that we find the problem of (27:08) getting entirely willing to have God remove anything he says that the reason we’re able (27:16) to do this with drinking is that it’s killing us it’s fatal and even our ego has to cave in (27:26) to giving up on that one totally and so that gives us this is where the problem comes in because we (27:35) were able to get a hundred percent willing to have our drinking problem removed and we humbly asked (27:41) that it be removed it was which proves to us that this works if God lifted away from us if our (27:52) most serious serious problem was lifted up by this process it proves to us that this works so we can (28:01) no longer say well you know if you got willing to get rid of all resentment it would be it wouldn’t (28:06) be gone because whoever saw that happen each one of us saw it happen to our worst problem so having (28:14) been given perfect proof that this in fact works that there’s it’s absolutely guaranteed okay in (28:22) the world aren’t we continuing and living these stress-free completely serene lives well this is (28:32) what Bill calls the riddle of our existence he says the answer may only lie in the mind of God (28:37) but he makes the guess that alcoholism is fatal so we’re able to get the the willingness there (28:45) and the rest of our defects we’re going to have to get more willing and more willing every year (28:53) that it is a very difficult job and the sentence that he uses in there that I that applies to me (28:59) and the people that I sponsor we only tend to settle for as much perfection as will get us by (29:10) guys you know it’s like would you like to be totally honest yes I would because then you (29:19) wouldn’t have that lies you would you wouldn’t have these cover-up stories you would you’d be (29:23) free everything you say is your truth and you’re just at free with the world unfortunately I’m (29:29) a businessman myself and I don’t think it’s possible to succeed in business and be totally (29:38) honest so what I’d like to do I’d like to get a measure of honesty I certainly want to I want to (29:46) make improvement in the honesty area I am I am very interested in spirituality I love the idea (29:53) the program and I do want to make some progress in this honesty thing so what I’d like is an (30:03) honest reputation that’s what I’d like I’d like to be known by others as an honest person reserving (30:14) the right of course in rare emergency situations to screw a few people here and there in order to (30:27) support my loving family so put me down for 83% of honesty well what about lust oh that’s a terrible (30:45) thing haunts me haunts me it’s it’s I mean it’s sex sex sex you know I’m having a hard time giving (30:51) this lecture looking at the pool but so yes that that that is definitely a strong problem for a lot (31:06) of us well would you like it lift it out like that remember we described we’ll put you in the position (31:13) of neutrality it’ll be lifted gone whoo not even part of your life anymore you mean like zero lust (31:24) yeah yeah yeah yes zero lust freedom freedom absolute freedom zero lust is that like being (31:42) dead let’s let’s try 50% let me see what it feels like and then I’ll move in that direction (32:00) that’s what I’d like to do I’d like to move in the direction of lust free okay okay well let’s (32:09) let’s work on some of the easier ones okay dr. Bob I think in his final talk was talking about (32:20) guiding the errant member of the tongue that gossip was tearing up the program so certainly (32:28) certainly we could very simply ask God to totally remove gossip from our hearts how does that feel (32:43) that feels wonderful I agree gossip is I mean it is just it is so so destructive and so (32:54) well what I’d like to do is I would like to never initiate gossip for the rest of my life however (33:11) if I am simply relaying something that has been started by some malicious person I’m I’m just that (33:25) I’m not judging I’m not doing I’m simply relaying something that is passing through with no malice (33:35) no nothing I may reserve if it’s especially if it’s juicy to be a relay or once in a while okay (33:45) so so gossip is what Oh 84% to take 84% just I’ll relay at the most three times a year I’ll relay (33:56) one little thing that’ll be it there and we could just start in we could start in with anger like (34:05) oh yeah yeah unless someone does something that deserves anger then I want to be able to properly (34:14) focus on that okay so what do you want on anger I’d like a good 70% of my anger to be gone and (34:23) as we go through all of these defects that we’re eager to get rid of we start taking them back (34:30) because they give us pleasure they it’s almost like our ego jumps in and says who are you except (34:40) for your character defects you’ll be the hole in the donut if they ever took all your to who would (34:45) you be what would you be and so we have now come up against the parameters of our lifelong journey (34:56) which is to continually find something else to get rid of as Bill writes it’s impossible to summon (35:08) all this willingness at once and to have these things lifted out and so we have settled in for (35:17) the true nature that we have which is to have this uncomfortability I remember reading the 24 (35:26) hour day book one day and there was a prayer in there and I remember going boy this is the opposite (35:32) of a serenity prayer it said I pray that I may be never satisfied with my material with my spiritual (35:39) condition now think about that I mean it sounds very noble I pray that I may be never satisfied (35:47) with my spiritual condition that means I’m gonna never be satisfied with my material with my (35:54) spiritual condition that means I’m always going to be restless and wanting to move on I’m never (36:02) going to be content perfectly with where I am and why is that that’s because we have two natures (36:13) the way I see it we have our material humanness and then we have our spiritual side and they are (36:23) at odds with each other that one wants to live in the material world and one wants to live in the (36:30) spiritual world and we are governed by the laws of the material world and the spiritual world and (36:37) I think that the transition in Alcoholics Anonymous as we go down this path is to gradually diminish (36:47) the power of the material world to affect us and to greatly move ourselves into the spiritual world (36:57) where spiritual release is spoken and that’s why meetings and sponsors and close friends who will (37:06) go to dinner and instead of talking about the stock market are talking about spiritual things (37:13) geez I had another way of looking at resentment oh well tell me Joe that’s a wonderful way I’m (37:18) going to incorporate that and we are moving away from the power that holds us in the material world (37:29) to the freedom of the spiritual world and Chuck Chamberlain I mean boy he just summed it all up (37:36) uncovered discovered discard that’s what he said for the rest of our lives what else can I let go (37:44) of what else can I let go of (37:50) the ego I remember when you know when you’re totally self-centered this is what I remember (37:58) as a practicing alcoholic it was like everything that happened anywhere bothered me (38:07) anywhere as soon as I found out about it and didn’t approve (38:13) and somebody discovered a new moon around Uranus and I went a new moon around Uranus (38:22) I can’t even keep up with the moons that are there now why don’t they stop looking (38:28) I know why they’re looking just to bother me to give me another freaking moon to worry about (38:33) you know and it was like everything that happened anywhere was happening to me that was how big (38:40) my radar of keeping track of everything was and we come in here and try to become as small as (38:54) possible you know we’re big shots oh yeah I’m this and I’m that and this and that and then we get in (39:01) here and we want to become the point on the instrument that God is using just a dot just a (39:12) tiny dot so that nothing that happens can bother us because there’s no there’s no us to bother (39:21) someone once said that all problems can be condensed down into one (39:26) one thing’s not going your way that’s it it could be health it could be money it could be sex it (39:36) could be anything but the reason it’s a problem is that it’s not going your way and from a (39:45) purely physical point of view before we get into the spiritual program if things aren’t going our (39:50) way and that’s why we’re unhappy then the only way to happiness is to control everything so it (39:57) does turn out your way which is very hard to do because we’re in a world with millions of other (40:03) people that are trying to control us so that their life will come out happy and there’s nothing but (40:09) conflict going on and a rat race as everybody is seeking the goal of happiness and we come in here (40:18) and um it said oh you want to solve the problem of things not going your way well we’ll tell you (40:24) the spiritual solution don’t have a way there that’s the end of that story don’t have a way (40:30) well how do i not have a way you got to have a way you have to what do you mean don’t have a way (40:37) well you take your way whatever that means to you whatever that energy is where you are figuring out (40:43) how everything ought to be and you turn it over to your higher power and then you just do things (40:50) his way now in order to do that some people often say well what is god’s way what’s the next right (40:57) thing what is all that and sometimes the answer will be well there’s a certain code of moral (41:03) values everybody knows right from wrong and you just do that that’s not it at all that’s how we (41:10) would do it without a higher power this this this problem of a higher power it’s really amazing (41:20) right after the new year people make resolutions (41:26) i still do it a little bit but not like i used to and you remember how those resolutions would be (41:31) you’d go i’m going to take off 15 pounds i’m going to stop drinking cokes no more sugar i’m going to (41:39) working out i’m going to start doing this you know spend more time with my kids etc (41:45) so the guy goes to his sponsor and tells him about his new year’s resolutions and the sponsor said (41:49) well have you made up any spiritual resolutions you’re in a spiritual program now why don’t you (41:54) come up with a couple of those come on back and talk to me so he went home and thought about that (42:00) and he wanted to impress his sponsor you know what i mean let him know what a spiritual giant he was (42:06) so he started right jotting down on a pad you know imagine that you’re doing this for your sponsor what (42:11) would you put down there to uh impress him so he wrote down three or four things and came back (42:18) and he said you got something yeah let me tell you okay well read them to me i said well i resolve (42:24) to be more understanding and a better listener with my wife and children (42:32) and i resolve to be more generous in my giving and to care about other people more (42:41) and i resolve to read more spiritual books and i resolve to try and live in harmony (42:50) with the people that i encounter in my day’s march he felt pretty good about that you know (42:58) what i mean sounded pretty spiritual to him and he read it off to his sponsor the sponsor said (43:03) god i hate to tell you this but that’s the exact antithesis of a spiritual resolution (43:11) that isn’t even close you haven’t even scratched the surface on it he’s going (43:18) what are you talking about are you saying that being generous isn’t spiritual oh yeah that’s (43:25) very spiritual oh well are you saying that be more understanding and a better listener oh that’s (43:31) very spiritual well oh i see it’s the word resolve that’s not a spiritual word you don’t resolve and (43:41) no that’s not it well then what’s the problem it’s the first word in your resolutions i am going to (43:54) do all these things you’ve entered the world of the spirit you don’t do the work anymore (44:03) god does the work so if you want to be more generous you ask god to make you be more generous (44:10) if you want to do more spiritual reading you ask god to help you read more spiritual things (44:16) you start all of your thoughts with we instead of i that’s the power of the ego this is that (44:25) sneaky guy who wants to keep god out of there and he comes up with a list of things where (44:32) we’re going to be spiritual on our own proving that we don’t need god you follow what i’m saying (44:38) boy i’m reading a spiritual book and i’m being generous i’m doing this and all of that while (44:45) it may look good on the surface is proving how much how little we need this higher power to (44:51) ourselves and alienating us from this higher power in this wonderful show of self-centered (45:01) spirituality i do this all the time you go to meetings just listen to when somebody says well (45:07) what do you do about this well i do this and i do that here’s what i do here’s what i do i mean it’s (45:13) we just talk that way all the time and it is that is certainly not spiritual lease in the sense that (45:21) we’re talking about here what is the problem with getting god involved he’s too extreme (45:28) that’s the problem with spiritual solutions they’re too freaking extreme he wants to he wants to make (45:34) me a saint or something i just want to stop drinking i remember when i got here i said okay (45:39) i’ve stopped drinking and i’m doing all that and then my sponsor’s going oh sandy if you’re going (45:43) to stay in the program stay sober you’re going to have to give up that embezzling at work you (45:47) can’t be taking that stuff oh it’s a two thing in the aa it’s a drinking and embezzling oh all right (45:54) i didn’t know that you didn’t tell me you know and the next thing he’s talking about what if you want (45:59) to keep your marriage you’re going to have to stop the affairs oh so there’s three things no drinking (46:04) no embezzling no well every month he had another thing and another thing and another thing went on (46:10) forever this isn’t alcoholics anonymous this is everything a hall that’s anonymous or so i mean (46:16) it’s like everything that’s what it says we want to turn our will in our lives over to the care (46:22) of this higher power i know sometimes people when they’re doing their inventories they’re (46:28) working steps four and five it’s it looks exhausting i remember talking to somebody one (46:35) time and it finally gave me reason why i thought it was so hard as you are listing the character (46:43) defects you feel the burden of the work that’s going to be involved in dealing with these things (46:52) and you want to minimize them because you’re so tired (46:57) and it’s because we don’t understand the process so if we took an analogy to the fourth and fifth (47:04) step and we said to you we’re not going to inventory you we have a new system now now (47:11) most alcoholics live in a pretty rundown house when they come into aa you ever driven i remember (47:16) my sponsor and i were going to 12 step call we forgot the guy’s address in this neighborhood (47:20) we knew the rough blocks we were going to drive around so we drove around all of a sudden the two (47:26) of us went that’s it you know what i mean there was a motorcycle over on its side with one wheel (47:32) missing car up on jacks two wheels missing there lawn hadn’t been mowed the beer cans all over (47:38) the house hadn’t been touched in 15 years it was so easy to find this guy’s house it was a piece (47:44) of cake we just drove up so so instead of inventorying ourselves we’re going to inventory (47:49) the house and so that’s your new job the response is i want you to tell me everything that’s wrong (47:54) with that house and you go oh my god so you go back and you start inventorying it and then you’re (48:01) getting exhausted and a new roof and and and the exhaustion is imagining the work that’s involved (48:10) in fixing it all you follow what i’m saying that’s why we want to keep that list small (48:15) jeez this is too much the more i put on the list the harder the job’s going to be so as we’re (48:21) bogging down and our sponsor’s talking to us and he’s going what’s the problem i’m just overpowered (48:26) by what it’s going to take to do all oh i forgot to tell you you just do the list we got a contractor (48:35) that’s going to do all the work you just do the list oh really now watch us go back we’re going (48:43) to find about 800 more things now the contractor is going to do the work you follow what i’m saying (48:49) so now we’re going well actually all the plumbing and the wiring you know this and that and we (48:55) well we finally list every single thing that’s wrong with that house that’s exactly how the (49:02) program works we list every defect that we have that we have god lift out there’s no work in (49:12) getting lifted out they’re lifted out we’re going to know a new freedom and new happiness (49:17) our drinking problem doesn’t exist for us you see the difference it is so freeing (49:25) when it is actually carried out the way the program has it designed (49:31) but it leaves the ego out god gets all the credit the ego is angry who am i i get to do something (49:40) when do i get to do something on my own you know it’s like when we’re learning a new sport or (49:45) something we can hardly wait for the teacher to go away so that we can go out and finally be on our (49:51) own and the sad truth is or the happy truth is that even with 40 years sobriety you still have (50:01) training wheels on your bicycle and we’re glad they’re there because it’s going to come a day (50:09) when we have no defense against our the first drink what we really have is the daily reprieve (50:16) contingent on the maintenance of our training wheels and they’re going to stay there and they’re (50:22) going to bother our ego till the day we die we’re going to look back at those training wheels part (50:28) of us and go god i can’t stand those training wheels they make me look bad and the rest of us (50:35) is going to be so glad that they’re there because it isn’t us that’s doing anything (50:44) it’s the power it’s the creator of the universe that’s entered our hearts and lives in a way that (50:50) is indeed miraculous and we suddenly realize that god is doing for us what we cannot do for ourselves (50:58) that’s the end of the time it’s been wonderful to talk to everybody (51:03) and i hope you got something out of it and let’s have a great rest of the day thank you all very (51:08) much