Mike F. from Aurora, CO speaking at the 60th Annual Hawaii Convention on October 27-29, 2023

(0:08 – 0:26)
I’m Mike, I’m an alcoholic. My sobriety date is April 23rd, 1985, and for that I’m grateful. I
would like to thank the committee for extending the invitation to me to be here.
(0:26 – 0:42)
It’s greatly appreciated. My wife was going to attend the conference with me, and my
daughter was hospitalized the day before I left, and she’s having surgery on Monday. So
if you could keep Emily in your prayers, that would be wonderful.
(0:46 – 1:11)
Somebody asked me this afternoon if I’m nervous, and I want you to know that I’ve got a
pretty good idea what I’m going to say, and you have no idea what you’re going to hear.
Clearly, if anybody should be nervous, it should be you and not me. You know, I feel a
little bit like a mosquito in a nudist camp.
(1:13 – 1:57)
No, I know what to do, I just don’t know where to start. So some of you will be able to
identify with this, but I woke up one morning and I had a concern, and I laid in bed for a
minute with my concern, and it became a problem. Nothing changed other than I was
thinking about it, and I laid there thinking about my problem for a minute and it became
a crisis.
(1:59 – 2:12)
I was immobilized in less than three minutes, and all I did was think. Thank God for
Alcoholics Anonymous, I knew what to do. I called my sponsor at the time and I said, I’m
on my way to get you.
(2:12 – 2:23)
And I picked up Howard, and I brought him to Denny’s. He used to love to go to Denny’s.
Howard passed away a few years ago, but we were sitting in Denny’s and I gave it to
him.
(2:23 – 3:10)
I gave him my crisis, and I laid it all out, and I remember just like it was a minute ago, he
laid his hands on the table and he looked at me, and he said, your life is in divine order,
unfolding into goodness. I thought clearly he did not understand the magnitude of what I
was dealing with, and being a salesperson, I kind of regrouped and gave it to him from
another angle, figuring this time I’d get something I could use. I gave it to him and he
looks back at me and he says, your life is in divine order, unfolding into goodness.
(3:11 – 3:57)
Now, I’m like looking to see if he’s got his hearing aid in, because I’m getting a little
concerned now, maybe I’ve got the wrong sponsor, and I think he could see that I was
having some difficulty. And he looked at me and he said, Mike, if you go back through
your life, as far back as you can remember, and you look at all the circumstances and
events that have occurred that brought you to this moment, you’ll see that the times
that you were afraid, what you’re afraid of generally didn’t happen. The times where you
really wanted something bad and you didn’t get what you wanted, you generally ended
up with something better than what you wanted.
(3:58 – 4:40)
And if you’re honest, you’ll see how God has pulled a golden thread through each and
every one of these circumstances and events. I was able to take that message from
Howard, combine it with some of the AA teachings and books, like in the 11th step of the
12 in 12, Bill Wilson wrote, self-examination, prayer and meditation, when logically
interwoven, create an unshakable foundation for life. Well, I think that was what Howard
was getting me to do, was to take and create an unshakable foundation for life by seeing
how there’s been a loving God pulling a golden thread.
(4:41 – 5:15)
Now, what I hope to do tonight, over the next few hours, I promise I will not do that to
you, okay? But what I will do is share with you some of those events and circumstances
that I was able to look at, that with your help, I was able to overcome and not be the guy
that came here. I grew up in Alcoholics Anonymous. My dad was a member of AA, and he
got sober when I was about three years old.
(5:16 – 5:28)
So I never saw him drink. My mother was an Al-Anon member until she died with 49
years in Al-Anon. My dad stayed sober his entire life.
(5:28 – 5:36)
We grew up in a little town called East Aurora, outside of Buffalo, New York. And when I
was seven years old, I lit the house on fire. We had seven kids in the family.
(5:37 – 5:40)
Here I am. I’m a middle child. I light the house on fire.
(5:40 – 5:51)
And we’re all across the street watching the events unfold. They’ve got all the kids, like,
lined up in chairs. And the neighbors are counting to see if anybody’s still in the house.
(5:51 – 6:00)
And the fire department’s chopping the door down and running in with hoses. And
there’s all this panic and commotion and stuff going on in the neighborhood. And I’m
seven, man.
(6:00 – 6:12)
I’m sitting there going, ain’t no way I’m ever telling anybody. I did this. And I kept that
secret about as long as I possibly could.
(6:13 – 6:21)
And when you’re seven, it seems like years. It was probably days. And I remember going
to my wonderful Al-Anon mother and saying, Mom, I did it.
(6:21 – 6:33)
And she said, you did what? And I said, I lit the house on fire. Oh, we knew that. Pretty
much the story of my life.
(6:33 – 6:41)
My brother, John, his First Communion. And there they did First Communions when
you’re about second grade. So it was John’s First Communion.
(6:41 – 6:47)
He’s my older brother. I’m one year younger than him. One year and eight days younger
than him.
(6:47 – 6:55)
And we went and took some beer. And we hid in the woods. And we drank it.
(6:56 – 7:05)
And I went back and took some more and hid it in the woods so John wouldn’t know. So I
could drink it by myself. And alone.
(7:06 – 7:17)
Because you see, when I drank, it was the effect that was being produced by the alcohol.
I never had a drink in my life for the taste. I only drank for the effect.
(7:17 – 7:24)
That was why I drank. That was why I did everything that I did was for the effect.
Anyway, that was the start.
(7:24 – 7:38)
You don’t become a daily drinker when you’re six or seven or eight. Whatever I was. But
what happened was I began to look for opportunities where I could do it again.
(7:39 – 7:48)
And if you invited me to your house, I’d be looking around. I’d come up with a plan. Your
parents got any alcohol and we’d be drinking.
(7:49 – 8:04)
And if we played sports in the backyard in the summertime, if we got a baseball game
going on or something during the afternoon, I’d get one of my brother’s older friends.
New York State, the drinking age then was 18. And they were all old enough to buy
alcohol.
(8:04 – 8:08)
So they’d buy me alcohol. And I could get loaded while I was playing. And that would
make me play better.
(8:08 – 8:15)
And I thought it was cool and all that. And I didn’t realize I was getting in trouble already.
I was setting up a pattern.
(8:15 – 8:28)
And the illness of alcoholism began to work on me. It began to show me what alcoholism
is about. And I began to do some other things.
(8:30 – 8:37)
You know, I’m not going to give you a drunkologue. I got so much to share tonight. But
the drunkologue, I got to tell you this.
(8:37 – 8:51)
My first detox was in Children’s Hospital, okay? I was invited to speak at a church. And
there was like 500 people. And I shared that.
(8:52 – 9:15)
And not one person laughed. What does that say about us? Yeah, well, while I’m in
Children’s Hospital, they didn’t have a detox ward in Children’s Hospital yet. So they put
me in intensive care.
(9:15 – 9:30)
And they watched me for a little over a week. And during that time, my dad, as I
mentioned, was a member of Alcoholics Anonymous. So you can imagine what happened
every day that I was in the hospital.
(9:30 – 9:41)
Members of Alcoholics Anonymous came in to see me. Okay? In Children’s Hospital, they
brought me cigarettes. Hey, man, things have changed.
(9:42 – 9:51)
But that’s the truth. And they talked to me. And they suggested that I go to AA when I
get out.
(9:52 – 10:05)
And the medical team, they would come in and see me. And they suggested that I go to
counseling when I get out. And I was only interested in getting out.
(10:06 – 10:16)
I felt like I had overshot the mark. Maybe I shouldn’t have said anything at all. And here I
am, getting out of the hospital.
(10:17 – 10:28)
I’m 15 years old. I just entered high school. I got my dad, a member of Alcoholics
Anonymous, my mom.
(10:28 – 10:34)
I feel like I’m a disappointment. Like I’m an embarrassment. I start going to counseling.
(10:34 – 10:49)
I like that because the counselor and I were smoking weed together. I went to my first
Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. It would have been 1974.
(10:52 – 10:58)
And I walked into the bottom of the police station that night. It was the hillbilly group. It
was my dad’s home group.
(10:58 – 11:08)
And I knew everybody there. And the reason I knew everybody there was because
everybody there had been to our home. See, our home was a home where they had the
picnics and the anniversaries.
(11:08 – 11:12)
They had a big yard. My dad liked to cook. And he would do the roast beef.
(11:12 – 11:18)
And they would have barbecues. And when we were little, they had to have the sandbox.
And the AA guys would throw money in it.
(11:18 – 11:24)
And we’d dig through the sand to get the money. And yeah, this was a trip. But AA was
something that I always loved.
(11:24 – 11:36)
I never had any problem at all with it. There were alcoholics at all stages of sobriety in
our house all the time. The New York State police would drop people off and put them to
bed on our sun porch.
(11:37 – 11:52)
And my old man and his sponsor would take them to meetings. And my mother would
cook them meals. And we’d come home from school, and there’d be donuts on the
counter and cigarettes, smoke, and people hanging out and waiting for the meeting or
waiting for dinner or wake up in the morning.
(11:52 – 12:05)
My mom, she didn’t do a lot of speaking, but she loved to tell this story. We had one girl
in our family, my sister Mary. And Mary was young, like second or third grade.
(12:05 – 12:11)
And she’s getting ready for school one morning. And there’s a drunk at the table. And
he’s sick.
(12:11 – 12:15)
And he’s shaking. And he’s moaning. Oh, poor me.
(12:15 – 12:26)
I’m so embarrassed. I can’t believe this has happened again. And finally, my little sister
heard enough of it and looked at him and said, we’ve seen way worse than you.
(12:33 – 12:55)
That’s called ego deflation, folks, from a 10-year-old. So I walked down the stairs that
night to my first Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. And the ceilings were low.
(12:55 – 13:09)
And they had these wooden tables, a lot of smoke in the room. And I walked down. And I
figured these folks are going to think that my dad brought one of the kids just to hang
out or something.
(13:10 – 13:15)
And I figured they didn’t know my story. Well, they all knew my story. It’s the thoughts
that we have.
(13:18 – 13:22)
So anyway, they’re going around the room that night. And Bob said, I’m Bob. And I’m an
alcoholic.
(13:22 – 13:28)
And Dorothy says, I’m Dorothy. And I’m an alcoholic. And Art says, I’m an alcoholic.
(13:28 – 13:31)
I’m Art. And Bernie says, I’m Bernie. And I’m an alcoholic.
(13:31 – 13:38)
And it was my turn. And I said, I’m Mike. And I’m a problem drinker with alcoholic
tendencies.
(13:42 – 13:47)
I didn’t want to be an alcoholic, guys. I didn’t. I just didn’t want to be an alcoholic.
(13:51 – 13:58)
And I know why I didn’t want to be an alcoholic. I was 15 years old. I hadn’t even been on
a date.
(13:58 – 14:17)
I knew that these AA people stopped drinking forever. And ever is a long damn time. And
I was afraid.
(14:17 – 14:21)
And I didn’t want to quit drinking. And I would fight, man. I would fight.
(14:21 – 14:27)
My old man would say, first drink to get you drunk. I’d say, you call yourself an alcoholic?
That’s insane. First drink.
(14:27 – 14:41)
I’m going to drink you under the table. And he’d say things like, if you’re going to get
killed by a train, would it be the engine that kills you or the caboose? And I’d be, why am
I on the train track? I’m a deep thinker. I want answers, man.
(14:44 – 14:54)
But I’m going to AA. And they use a different language in Alcoholics Anonymous, OK? I
mean, they do. And if you’re new, you’re going to hear some stuff.
(14:54 – 15:01)
And you’re going to have to kind of figure it out. The language is different, man. It was a
little different then.
(15:01 – 15:09)
They said stuff like, if you quack like a duck and wile like a duck, you’re probably a duck.
I go home. I’m looking in the mirror for feathers.
(15:10 – 15:27)
What are they taught? It was just so beyond me. But what they were doing is they were
sharing their stories with me. They were sharing their experiences, their strength, and
their hope with me.
(15:29 – 15:43)
And they were giving me encouragement. And they were telling me things like, keep
coming back. And I want you to know that that was in the fall of 1974.
(15:43 – 15:50)
And I did exactly what they asked me to do. I kept coming back. And I kept coming back.
(15:50 – 15:58)
And I kept coming back. And I went to meetings. And I would sit in those meetings.
(15:58 – 16:05)
And I would think about how I could kill myself. Because, see, every time I stopped
drinking, I got sicker. I never got better.
(16:06 – 16:10)
And I would look at you guys. And you guys were better. And I thought, man, I must be
different than you.
(16:10 – 16:14)
Because I stopped drinking. I would kill myself. And you stopped drinking.
(16:14 – 16:26)
And you’re getting, like, medallions and parades and all kinds of cool stuff, you know, big
books. And all I was getting was a resentment. And all I was getting is farther down.
(16:26 – 16:47)
And all I was doing is getting farther, farther, farther into my hopelessness to where I no
longer believed that there was an opportunity for me to get better. I had lost all hope.
And, you know, the things that those nice AAs were telling me that had happened to
them began to happen to me.
(16:47 – 16:58)
You see, I began to show up at those detox hospitals and psychiatric wards. I began to
get into trouble that they talked about. I remember one time, the woman, the girl, she
was very attractive.
(16:58 – 17:11)
I was probably, like, 22, you know, and at the end of a run. And she’s doing the intake at
the psychiatric hospital. And she’s asking me those intake questions.
(17:11 – 17:34)
A lot of you have heard them. And while she’s asking me the questions, I’m trying to
convince her that a life with me would be a good move. You know, that was how I came,
you know.
(17:34 – 17:41)
It got worse. You know, it keeps getting worse. You think you’re at a bottom.
(17:44 – 17:56)
And it just keeps getting worse. To the point that you just, for me now, I’m just talking for
this alcoholic. I hated myself.
(17:57 – 18:02)
I hated me. I hated my thoughts. I hated my actions.
(18:02 – 18:09)
I hated my behavior. I hated the position I was in. And guess what? I blamed you.
(18:10 – 18:17)
See, it was your fault. Mom, dad, brother, sisters, community, teacher. It’s your fault if
you just get me out of this jam.
(18:17 – 18:21)
If you give me a little bit. If you understood. If you know that I had these good intentions.
(18:21 – 18:31)
I didn’t mean to do this. Over and over. I was pushing, pushing people out of my life.
(18:31 – 18:37)
Just kept doing it. Just kept slamming those doors. Pushing people out till I was by
myself.
(18:38 – 18:43)
I was all alone. That’s where I ended up. I’ll tell you what.
(18:43 – 18:55)
You don’t want to have my thinking and end up alone. April 21st, 1985, I broke into a
house in Buffalo. And the reason I broke in is I knew the people that lived there had a
gun.
(18:56 – 19:16)
And I’d finally decided that I was going to try suicide that way. And I didn’t find the gun. I
found myself in the attic of that home in the wee hours of the next morning.
(19:17 – 19:36)
And I was looking out the window. And my goal was, can I dive out this window and kill
myself? Or am I going to lay on the ground and flop around in pain? And I wanted the
pain to stop. And I made my way to that window.
(19:37 – 19:48)
And there were these three black ladies walking down the street. And they were wearing
these funny church hats. And it reminded me of my grandmother when I was a
youngster.
(19:48 – 20:01)
She would come over after mass with her friends, sometimes with her nun friends. They
were always wearing these funny church hats. And here I’m going to dive out the
window.
(20:01 – 20:08)
And I don’t know if that was a hallucination. I have absolutely no idea. But I know what
happened was I got down on my knees in that room.
(20:09 – 20:20)
And I said the same prayer everybody here has said. And I was just, God, help me. And
some of you that know me know I’ve spent a lot of time studying AA history.
(20:22 – 20:32)
And the guy that went to Bill Wilson, his name was Ebby Thatcher. And Ebby had just
gotten sober a couple of months before. He called on Bill.
(20:32 – 20:39)
And Ebby was in New York. And he was making some amends. He was attending
meetings of the Oxford Group.
(20:39 – 20:45)
And he had called on Bill at Clinton Street. We all know the story. Bill put it in the big
book.
(20:45 – 20:59)
But shortly after that, he had called on Bill again while Bill was in the hospital. And Bill
said this morning he woke up and he saw Ebby in the doorway. And he looked and he
thought, Ebby, he should be out looking for a job.
(21:00 – 21:07)
See, everybody was broke. Everybody needed work. And Bill says, Ebby, come on in.
(21:07 – 21:27)
And he said Ebby entered his bedroom that morning and sat next to him. Bill looked at
Ebby and said, Ebby, what was that simple formula that you shared with me a few weeks
ago at my home? And Ebby said, Bill, you have to be done. You have to be licked.
(21:27 – 21:49)
You have to be completely done, number one. Number two, you have to believe in some
sort of a god. And he said to Bill, even if you try it as an experiment, you need to write
down in inventory what you’ve done and who you’ve done it to.
(21:49 – 22:03)
And then have a confession and share that with another person and with God. Then you
go and pay restitutions to those people that you’ve harmed. And you make right the
wrongs you did.
(22:04 – 22:18)
And then lastly, we give freely what we have found. And that was the message that Ebby
gave to Bill. And Bill said Ebby left the room and he sunk into the deepest, darkest place
he’d ever been.
(22:18 – 22:35)
The depression was unbearable. And he said as a child, he cried out in that room by
himself, if there’s a God, show himself. And he said the entire room lit up a bright white
light.
(22:35 – 22:42)
And he felt like he was on a mountaintop. And he could feel the breeze of the spirit. And
it cleaned him.
(22:43 – 22:53)
And he was released. None of that happened to me. No, man, I drank all damn day,
okay.
(22:53 – 23:04)
And I found myself in a bar that night. And I picked up the phone. And, you know, I really
believe that the prayer I said, God help me, was my prayer.
(23:04 – 23:16)
I really believe that the God of my understanding began to work in the invisible and
arrange some things that I was going to experience. Howard called it a golden thread.
My life is in divine order.
(23:16 – 23:22)
I didn’t know any of this. And these things are all being arranged for me. Well, that night
I’m in a bar and I’m sick.
(23:23 – 23:30)
And I called the only one left I thought would be willing to answer the phone. And it was
my dad. And he asked me where I was.
(23:31 – 23:40)
And I told him. He and another member of Alcoholics Anonymous called on me the next
day. We sat in the diner.
(23:40 – 23:47)
And they did a 12-step call on me. And we talked about my options. I didn’t have any.
(23:54 – 24:05)
It was suggested that I get medically detoxed. So they arranged for me to go to the Erie
County Medical Center. And I walked in there the next day.
(24:05 – 24:15)
And the admissions counselor came out and met me in the lobby. And he put his hands
up. And he said, you cannot come in here.
(24:16 – 24:28)
You’ve been here too many times. We can’t help you. I want you to know that I left more
broken than I entered.
(24:28 – 24:36)
And where my brother’s truck was was a taxi cab. And I got in the cab. And I said, take
me to a bar because I didn’t have any other solution.
(24:36 – 24:45)
So I’d been coming to Alcoholics Anonymous for more than 10 years. I never was able to
get 30 days of continuous sobriety. And here I am, broken.
(24:46 – 24:51)
I get to the cab. And he takes me to a bar. And I go in.
(24:51 – 24:58)
And it’s April 23, 1985. And the door is open on the bar. It’s a sunny day.
(24:58 – 25:04)
You don’t have a whole lot of sunny days until about April at Buffalo. And that door is
open. And a city bus pulled up.
(25:04 – 25:14)
And an elderly lady fell on the ground. And for some reason, I walked out of that bar. And
I helped that lady get on the bus.
(25:16 – 25:27)
Now, that’s not a big deal, is it? But I’ve never had to go back for that drink. See, I think
the drink is warm. And you know what? I got to share this with you.
(25:28 – 25:43)
That the goal of the 12 steps is to have a spiritual awakening. Which continues to go on.
Well, what happened to me that day? And I didn’t realize it for many years.
(25:43 – 26:01)
Many years later, I was doing a lot of research and writing and some AA history stuff.
And I was kind of jealous of Bill Wilson, OK? Like, that guy, I mean, think about that.
Bright light experience.
(26:01 – 26:09)
A mountaintop, OK? The breeze. I’m like, I didn’t get that. I got screwed.
(26:11 – 26:22)
Well, when Howard gave me that assignment. And I was looking for the golden thread.
And I was seeing how my life was unfolding into goodness.
(26:24 – 26:34)
One of the places I went to was to that bar. And what happened to me was, I walked out
of that bar. And I helped that woman.
(26:39 – 26:50)
Bill Wilson gave Ebby a hug. And he said, I don’t know what you got, but I want it. And
Ebby said back to Bill, it’s a new kind of giving.
(26:51 – 26:59)
It’s a giving without expectation of anything. No reward, no applause, nothing. You give
to give.
(27:01 – 27:19)
Folks, Alcoholics Anonymous was born in me the moment that I exercised that action to
help that woman. I became a free man because I did something for someone else. I
didn’t know it, OK? It was a secret to me.
(27:20 – 27:37)
I thought I didn’t even have a spiritual experience. I just missed it. How many of us have
missed things? Sometimes, the self-examination, the prayer and meditation can help get
us back on track to where we can connect.
(27:39 – 27:52)
Well, my old man didn’t know what to do with me. And back then, you had the phones
where you had to dial and hope that somebody would answer. And he had a friend down
in Brownwood, Texas.
(27:54 – 28:06)
And this guy’s name was John Carlton. And John got sober, get this, October 28th, 1951.
Today would be his birthday.
(28:07 – 28:19)
He’s with me here tonight. And I’m going to share some of Big John with you tonight. My
old man got a hold of him and John said, send him down here for a couple of weeks.
(28:20 – 28:25)
And they sent me down to Texas. And I got there. And that night, we went to a meeting.
(28:25 – 28:35)
And after the meeting, we came back. And John and I were in his apartment. And I have
to tell you that, you know, these guys all wore jackets.
(28:37 – 28:47)
And it was just a little different trip than it is today. And John was a giant of a man. And
the way I recall this night is he was pacing.
(28:47 – 29:00)
And I was sitting on the couch. And he looks at me and he says, how long you been
around the deal, kid? He always called AA the deal. And he always called me the kid.
(29:03 – 29:27)
And with as much ego as I had left, I tried to announce to him that I had been attending
AA for 10 years. And he looks at me and he says, I don’t know if you have the guts it
takes to make it, kid. But if you do, if you want to stop drinking, I’ll go to hell and back
with you.
(29:27 – 29:33)
But if you want to drink, you go to hell alone. I was in hell, guys. I was in hell.
(29:34 – 29:40)
I weighed 90 pounds. Everything I owned was in a cardboard box. I was done.
(29:40 – 29:44)
With nothing left. I was sick. I was very sick.
(29:46 – 29:55)
I didn’t appreciate anything at that time. Because I was scared. I didn’t know that it was
fear.
(29:55 – 30:04)
You know, that corrosive threat. I didn’t understand that. And I remember John looked at
me that night and we had this conversation.
(30:04 – 30:20)
And he said to me, he said, you are nothing but a thief. And I’m like, he says, maybe not
the kind of thief that’d kick in a joint or steal from your mom’s purse. He knew my story.
(30:20 – 30:36)
He said, you are a worse kind of thief than that. He says, because you and me and all
alcoholics become thieves of the worst kind. Because we steal from those we love the
most their right to happiness.
(30:37 – 30:49)
See, what happened when he said that is he entered my cave of darkness. And he
grabbed me by the hand. And he was able to do that because he was a man with a
message of depth and weight.
(30:49 – 31:01)
And he began to lead me out of the darkness to the sunlight of the spirit one step at a
time. Thank God. I remember the next morning he woke me up, comes into the
bedroom.
(31:01 – 31:06)
He comes into the bedroom and wakes me up. He’s clapping his hands. He’s like 80.
(31:06 – 31:10)
OK, I’m 25. And he comes in. Come on, kid.
(31:10 – 31:17)
We got things to do, places to go, people to see. And I’m like, wait a minute, dude, you’re
80. I don’t know a damn person in Texas.
(31:18 – 31:24)
And I won’t sleep. No, no, kid, come on. And he began to discipline me.
(31:24 – 31:39)
He began to introduce me to Alcoholics Anonymous in a way that I had never been
introduced before. That morning he brought me to his best friend’s house. And his best
friend was a man named Bill O’Neill.
(31:39 – 31:56)
And Bill’s wife was Arbutus O’Neill. And those of you that are longtime Al-Anon will
recognize that name, Arbutus. And we pulled into their driveway and Big John looked at
me and he said, kid, this is the Midwest Tape Library.
(31:57 – 32:12)
It’s the largest AA tape library in the world. And I’m like, so what? And we get in, OK, and
I meet Bill. Now, I was, you know, I’m new.
(32:12 – 32:23)
And, you know, I was guilty of judging people a little bit. You know, I would never do that
today, don’t. But I judged him.
(32:23 – 32:31)
I thought he met us at the door. OK, he had one eye and one arm. OK, he lost his eye in
an auto accident.
(32:31 – 32:37)
He lost his arm in an auto accident in two different accidents. I don’t know if he lost the
eye first. And that’s how it went.
(32:37 – 32:48)
Anyway, he was kind of rough looking. And we go in and we’re sitting at the table. And
we did this every day.
(32:48 – 32:57)
But here they had a coffee maker. You know, it was just an orange little pot of hot water.
And then you dumped it over dirt.
(32:58 – 33:05)
And then you drank it and pretended it was good. And you were grateful, grateful for
that coffee. And I was.
(33:06 – 33:19)
I was. One morning, shortly after I got there, they were, you know, Bill. Bill got sober
October 21st of 1951.
(33:19 – 33:24)
So he had one week more than John. And he never let him forget it. And to watch these
guys, it was great.
(33:24 – 33:38)
But they knew Bill W. and Lois and Dr. Bob’s son and his wife, because they were living
in Texas. And so I got to know all these people through them. And they knew Sister
Ignatian.
(33:38 – 34:02)
And Big John met AA number three, Bill Dotson, back in 1952, before Bill died. So I was
exposed to these pioneers through these guys that were like the second generation of
Alcoholics Anonymous. And they were giving me this history and sharing things about
Sister Ignatian or Sam Shoemaker or the Oxford Group or whatever.
(34:02 – 34:23)
And this particular day, well, I should tell you that when I arrived to Texas, I could not
talk like I can today. I could get about a seven-word sentence out. And three of them
would start with F. And well, I thought it was my turn this day.
(34:23 – 34:36)
And I shared one of my sentences. And Bill glared at me with one of his eyes. And he
started pounding his finger on the table.
(34:36 – 34:48)
And he says, young man, the first thing we clean up in here is our mouth. And I thought,
grumpy. But I remember getting out of there.
(34:48 – 35:01)
And I said to Big John, I said, what’s up with him? I said, I’m 25. You guys aren’t going to
try to start telling me how to talk, are you? And he says, well, kid, he says, you know,
this program saved our lives. And it might save yours.
(35:01 – 35:10)
And we knew Bill and Lois and the pioneers and the people who hammered this out so
that we could get sober. And this program saved our lives. And it might save yours.
(35:10 – 35:17)
And what he wants you to do is he knows that you might be in a meeting. And somebody
at that meeting might be one of their first meetings. And they’re going to look at you.
(35:18 – 35:23)
And you’re the only big book they get to see. And he just wants you to be accurate. I
bought into it.
(35:23 – 35:33)
And from that day until tonight, I haven’t used any profanity. I hope I haven’t tonight. I
probably put maybe a small word like shit or something out there.
(35:33 – 35:44)
But seriously, I have not found it necessary to be that way at Alcoholics Anonymous. And
I understand the respect. And I needed to have that.
(35:44 – 35:51)
Because you see, I had no respect. I had no respect for me or for you or for anyone else.
And I’m thinking back.
(35:51 – 36:01)
One of the greatest events that ever occurred in my life was I graduated high school. I
graduated high school. Now, I didn’t deserve to graduate high school.
(36:01 – 36:11)
Because they were just kind of passing me. Well, I ain’t going to get into that. My last
year of high school, you needed 18 credits, hours, or whatever.
(36:11 – 36:25)
I had two. And they graduated me because I don’t think they wanted me to come back.
And the principal secretary would bring me coffee in the morning because I was in bad
shape.
(36:25 – 36:29)
And she was an Al-Anon. I did not know that. She was an Al-Anon.
(36:29 – 36:38)
I found that out at my father’s funeral. And I was sober, thank God. So I was graduating.
(36:38 – 36:48)
And I was 18. So I stopped and had a couple drinks first so I could do it. And then, it’s
downtown Buffalo.
(36:48 – 36:58)
And it’s an auditorium. And everybody is there, dignitaries from the community. And my
mom and my dad and my grandma and friends and family.
(36:58 – 37:06)
And then they finally call my name. And I’m walking across the stage. You could have
heard a pin drop.
(37:06 – 37:21)
And someone in the back yells out one of my nicknames. Drugs! Before I got that
diploma again. It was just a disappointment.
(37:22 – 37:33)
I knew I had let everybody down. My parents were certainly embarrassed. But you would
have thought that that would have been enough.
(37:33 – 37:42)
But no, it wasn’t enough. And I wanted to share that. Because when it came to Alcoholics
Anonymous, my self-image was horrible.
(37:42 – 37:49)
And I was angry. And I was angry at the things that I had done. And the people that I had
hurt.
(37:49 – 37:58)
And I didn’t know if I was ever going to be able to make any of that right. And nobody
wanted me around. And John said, read the book.
(37:58 – 38:01)
And I did it. And he was in Europe. And he came back.
(38:01 – 38:06)
And I said, I did it. And he said, what? I said, I read the book. And he said, what book?
And I said, the big book.
(38:06 – 38:13)
And he said, oh, he said, I read Moby Dick. And I don’t remember a damn bit of it. He
said, you’ve got to study that book.
(38:14 – 38:23)
And you see, we began to study the book Alcoholics Anonymous together. And he taught
me to put my name in the front of it. And under my name, he told me to put my sobriety
date.
(38:25 – 38:36)
And I said, why? And he said, because if you don’t know it, you don’t got it. I’ve got to tell
you something. I haven’t had to change it.
(38:36 – 38:41)
And I’m grateful for that. And we began to walk through the steps together. And there’s
so many directives.
(38:41 – 38:55)
In 1947, in a talk in Memphis, Tennessee, Bill Wilson talked for about two hours. And
during his talk, he said, AA is a story handed down. It’s your story and my story.
(38:56 – 39:13)
It’s handed down. Our service structure, our meetings, our home groups. You go to an AA
business meeting, the effectiveness of our traditions are based on the beginning,
tradition one.
(39:13 – 39:30)
Our common welfare comes first. Personal recovery depends upon AA unity. How do we
get unity? How do I get unity in my home group? By sacrificing my desire to have my
way.
(39:30 – 39:38)
You see, I’m not going to go in and bully it. I’m not going to bring six sponsees with me
and tell them how they should vote. You see, we get one vote.
(39:38 – 39:46)
We get one voice. And when we sacrifice our desire to have our way, then God can work
within the group. And we can have a group conscience.
(39:46 – 40:02)
And when we do that, when we create that unity, the power that is present. You know,
Bill Wilson, gosh, he wrote that book. Think about that.
(40:03 – 40:14)
And he was so careful about his words. He said very few things by accident. He said stuff
like, let me just get it back here.
(40:16 – 40:30)
We’ll be amazed before we’re halfway through. He didn’t say we’ll be moderately
satisfied when we get to this point. He said we’ll be amazed before we’re halfway
through.
(40:30 – 40:36)
That we’ll know a new freedom and a new happiness. We’ll comprehend the words
already. We’ll know peace.
(40:36 – 40:45)
We’ll be able to see how our experience could benefit other people. We’ll see usefulness
like we’ve never seen before. And he didn’t do this by accident.
(40:46 – 40:57)
He experienced it. Because he experienced, he could share his book of experience with
us. See, it’s a design for living that was hammered out by these guys.
(40:58 – 41:03)
Yes, there were mistakes. Yes, they were flawed. They were human, just like us.
(41:03 – 41:11)
I mean, for God’s sake, just a year ago, man. You know, I’m 38 years sober right now. I
have three children.
(41:11 – 41:16)
Andrew is my oldest. He works with us in our non-profit. He’s a treasurer.
(41:16 – 41:22)
He’s just a wonderful young man. And I shouldn’t say, well, he is young. He’s in his 30s.
(41:22 – 41:33)
And then my daughter, Emily, who is 31, who’s currently in the hospital awaiting another
surgery. Just to let you know, she has Crohn’s disease. She’s had, I think, nine surgeries.
(41:35 – 41:41)
She’s got a lot of challenges. And, you know, we love her. And we’re her caregivers.
(41:42 – 42:06)
And, you know, I didn’t expect to do that in my 60s. But I am so grateful today that I get
to serve not just alcoholics. You see, 1965, when the Responsibility Pledge was
introduced, it said, when anyone anywhere reaches out for help, I want the hand of AA to
always be there.
(42:06 – 42:17)
And for that, I’m responsible. Now, I’m responsible, OK? I’m responsible. You don’t have
to be an alcoholic.
(42:17 – 42:28)
I have a responsibility because God helped me get up, stand up, and stay up. You see,
you guys, I was a jerk. I was, man.
(42:28 – 42:31)
I’ll get even with them. You’ll see. I’ll get even.
(42:31 – 42:47)
I was just an idiot, you know? I mean, you’ve said shit like that. I’ll get even. And finally,
Big John says, kid, you want to get even with someone? Why don’t you try to get even
with someone who’s been good to you? I’ve spent the last 38 years trying to do that.
(42:47 – 43:06)
I’ve got a long way to go, folks. But I can tell you that you get some of the highest highs
and some of the lowest lows in your life. And what Alcoholics Anonymous and these
steps do is they equip us with the tools to respond to life as life comes at us, instead of
reacting.
(43:06 – 43:10)
You see, when I react, I’ve got a little rash here. I go to the doctor. He gives me some
ointment.
(43:10 – 43:15)
I come back. I’ve got rashes all over my body. First thing he says, oh, my God, you’re
having a reaction.
(43:16 – 43:18)
Gives me something else. I go in. It’s gone.
(43:18 – 43:32)
He says, oh, you’ve responded well. See, it’s these little tools that we bring into our
businesses, that we bring into our home. See, three kids.
(43:33 – 43:39)
That’s where I was going. I knew I was going somewhere. So I had traveled.
(43:40 – 43:48)
And now the kids are getting a little older. And they’re teenagers. And they’re starting to
smoke a little weed or whatever teenagers are doing.
(43:49 – 43:53)
And I’m busy. Like, I’ve got my work and my life. And I’m on a board of a church.
(43:53 – 43:57)
I’m this. And I’m that. I’m not paying attention.
(43:58 – 44:08)
I came back from a conference. And I was out in my garage. And I was putting some
books on the shelves and cleaning up.
(44:08 – 44:13)
And it was a Friday morning. And the garage door was open. Now, this was in Phoenix.
(44:13 – 44:26)
We lived in Arizona. We lived in Chandler at the time. And out of the corner of my eye, I
saw like a bunch of people approaching my house, yelling my son’s name.
(44:26 – 44:56)
And they were all in uniform. 27 years sober, I’m laying on the floor in handcuffs next to
my wife, while the police are raiding my house. And the first thought, honest to God, that
goes through my mind, your life is in divine order, unfolding into goodness.
(45:02 – 45:18)
The next thought, the very next thought, was, so is his. That was 12 years ago. He’s
sober 12 years.
(45:23 – 45:31)
Had nothing to do with me, folks. Alcoholics Anonymous surrounded him, lifting him up.
They kept him away from me, which was probably a really smart thing to do.
(45:31 – 45:37)
And I became his cheerleader. I became his cheerleader. Because that’s the role that I
got to play.
(45:37 – 45:42)
I got to play the role of a cheerleader. And I didn’t have to be the captain. I didn’t have to
be the coach.
(45:42 – 45:47)
I didn’t have to be the sponsor. I had to be a cheerleader. I had to look for the good.
(45:47 – 46:01)
And when I saw the good, I could cheer it on. See, that’s a, Big John used to do weird
stuff for me in my early sobriety. He’d get up in the morning and say, kid, oh, and I told
you that he came into the bedroom.
(46:02 – 46:16)
I don’t know if I mentioned he had a one bedroom. He invited me for two weeks, gave
me the bedroom, and I stayed for two years. I did everything alcoholically.
(46:16 – 46:34)
I want you to know. I want you to understand that sometimes we have to inconvenience
ourselves so somebody else can get sober. And I look at this man and what he did.
(46:34 – 46:57)
And the sacrifices that he made to allow me to have what I have today. I am grateful
beyond my words. And I can tell you, I hope, I hope that I am always willing to
inconvenience myself to help a sick alcoholic brother or sister.
(46:58 – 47:02)
That’s my responsibility. And it’s my privilege. It’s an honor.
(47:03 – 47:17)
So, you know, Josh got through that and he’s getting sober and life goes on. And I
continue to do my deal. And I’m speaking in Merle Beach and I’m down there and the
dude that was my host.
(47:19 – 47:36)
And thank you, Tom and Zeke. Look at this, how beautiful I’m dressed. He like brought
me a tie, like purple, so it would look good, didn’t I? And I appreciate that.
(47:36 – 48:05)
People do take care of you. So while I was there and I was trying to leave, the guy that
was hosting me was an author. And he had written a movie back in the 80s called Bill W.
And upon leaving, he said, would you like to write a book with me someday? And I said,
clearly, you don’t know me.
(48:08 – 48:12)
I couldn’t spell. I couldn’t read. I’m like, okay.
(48:13 – 48:35)
Well, a year later, he calls me and he says, are you still interested in writing a book? And
I’m like, I never was. I was on my way to a meeting and we hooked up the next day and
we discussed what the book might look like. Would it be all right if I talked to the
publisher to see if they would be interested? And I said, sure, go ahead.
(48:36 – 48:42)
And he did that and I get a cont. Oh, no. Then he calls me back and he says, hey, they
like the idea.
(48:43 – 48:54)
Would it be all right if I had my attorney negotiate the terms of the contract? I’m like,
well, you’re doing pretty good already. Just go right ahead. So then they send me a
check.
(48:54 – 49:02)
Huh? I did what we do. I spent it. I hadn’t written a damn word.
(49:02 – 49:10)
I went to Howard. I said, Howard, I think I’m in over my head. And he says, no, you’re
not.
(49:11 – 49:17)
See, no, you’re not. Get started. Take the action.
(49:19 – 49:47)
See, every time I’ve wanted something in Alcoholics Anonymous, it’s come back down to
taking an action. See, if you go out and you get a chair and you put a cushion on it and
you sit on it and you go in your garage and get one of those little steering wheel cars
that the little kids have, like my grandson, and you sit there every day for eight hours
and you go, vroom, vroom, vroom. You can do that for 30 days.
(49:49 – 50:04)
You’re not going to become a car. You’re not. My opinion now, and I’m not here to offend
anybody, but if you’re sitting in an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting and you’re not doing
anything, think about it.
(50:05 – 50:13)
We have a responsibility. This is a program of attraction rather than promotion. And
sometimes the attraction has to happen right in these rooms.
(50:14 – 50:37)
So often, you know, as we grow in our sobriety, our concept of God changes. And I’m
here to tell you that over the last few years, I’ve had some insights and some changes in
my thinking about my relationship with God. And I brought it down to some of the
simplest terms that I could come up with.
(50:38 – 50:54)
And that is, to me, God is love. Period. And how I look at that is I spend my time looking
for acts of kindness.
(50:55 – 51:14)
And when I see an act of kindness, it’s God smiling and showing me his face. And every
now and then, I’ll do an act of kindness and I’ll hear the voice say, see, that wasn’t so
hard. The reality is this, it’s about serving.
(51:14 – 51:27)
It’s about, you know, I was talking about Big John. He would say, kid, would you make me
breakfast? And I would make him breakfast. And he’d say, could you make me eggs with
some yolk on them? And I’d make these eggs with sausage and give it to him.
(51:27 – 51:34)
He’d go around for the whole day and brag about the kid. This kid’s a great cook. And
one day I made spaghetti and meatballs.
(51:34 – 51:49)
He said, can you make the meatballs round? Well, I grew up in Buffalo and I can make a
snowball as good as this. I can make a snowball as good as anybody in this room. And I
went to the little store and I got a loaf of bread and a pound of hamburger and a dozen
eggs and I put them all in a bowl together and I mixed them all up.
(51:50 – 51:59)
And I made these snowballs. They were white, OK, because I had a dozen eggs and a loaf
of bread. I mean, it was like, seriously, like, no kidding, man.
(51:59 – 52:13)
These things were shiny, OK? And then I cooked him in the bacon grease that was still on
the stove from the morning because I hadn’t gotten to the point where I was cleaning up
yet. And then I went and got some prego or something. I put it in a pan.
(52:13 – 52:19)
I put these meatballs in. I got two weeks of compliments. I swear to God, he would stop
people and say, come on over here.
(52:19 – 52:22)
You’ve got to meet the kid. This kid is a cook. His mother taught him.
(52:22 – 52:36)
My mother would have flipped. The point I’m making is, do you think I wanted to be
around him? You’re damn right. He gave me things to do.
(52:36 – 52:42)
He paid attention to it. And then he praised me for it. That’s exactly what I needed.
(52:43 – 52:55)
I said to him, why do we do this every day? He said, kid, we have to learn discipline.
Alcoholic is an undisciplined person. So we would go to Bill and Orbitis’s every day.
(52:55 – 53:01)
And then we’d go take care of Lydia. That was a 90-year-old lady that he used to like to
go make lunch for. And then we’d go back to his house.
(53:01 – 53:06)
And we’d have lunch. And we’d listen to a cassette tape of one of the speakers. Then
we’d go to Lake Brownwood.
(53:06 – 53:09)
And we’d go swimming. And then we’d come back. And we’d get ready for the meeting
at night.
(53:09 – 53:14)
And then we’d go to the meeting. And then after the meeting, we’d go to coffee. And
after coffee, everybody would come to his house.
(53:15 – 53:21)
And at 3 o’clock in the morning, I’m just wound up, man. And it’s like, that was AA. And
John traveled all over.
(53:21 – 53:31)
So if a committee invited him to speak, not to Hawaii, because it wouldn’t have
happened. But if they invited him to speak to Canada, we drove. He’d say, oh, the kid
drives.
(53:31 – 53:35)
I don’t like to fly. So we’d drive. And he would have AA comes of age.
(53:35 – 53:44)
As Bill sees it, pass it on, the big book and the 12 and 12. And then we would have a box
of cassettes. And we’d be listening to the cassettes.
(53:44 – 53:54)
And he’d be reading this stuff. And then he’d quiz me. What’s Dr. Bob’s address, kid? I
mean, that was just insane, right? It was like AA school on wheels.
(53:54 – 54:02)
And it’s like, no wonder that’s all I do now. If you saw my house, that tape library, it’s in
my house. We have been digitizing that tape library.
(54:02 – 54:09)
We make it available for free, man. Anybody who wants to listen to those recordings can
listen to them. It was set up to preserve the history.
(54:10 – 54:21)
Now, while I’m talking about that, you’ve got someone over here recording this
conference. There are your sponsees and people who could not make it to this
conference. Pick up the CDs.
(54:21 – 54:26)
Give these guys the support. Share it with others. And preserve our history.
(54:26 – 54:37)
And make it available for all future generations. That’s what it’s about. So Dr. Bob, in his
last talk, thank you.
(54:40 – 55:05)
I have absolutely no idea. Am I like over on time, Mr. Taper? Am I good? Yeah, I got
about 20 more minutes. So Dr. Bob, at his last, Dr. Bob’s last talk was given July 28, 1950
in Cleveland, Ohio at the International Convention.
(55:05 – 55:21)
And during that talk, he shared some important things with us. But one of the things he
shared from his heart, that he had taken the time to meditate on our 12 steps. And he
said, when simmered down to just two things, those two things would be love and
service.
(55:23 – 55:38)
Wow. You see, now, I don’t want to one up Dr. Bob. But I got to tell you, if he would have
maybe concentrated and meditated longer, he may have said, if you simmer Alcoholics
Anonymous down to just one thing, that one thing would be love.
(55:38 – 55:53)
Because, you see, service is love in action. That’s the deal, see? It’s giving of ourselves
to the service of others, expecting nothing, nothing in return. All right, 2013.
(55:54 – 56:05)
My oldest brother, Jim, 59 years old, calls me up, tells me he’s dying of cancer. He had
just lost his wife to cancer six months earlier. He and I started communicating a lot.
(56:06 – 56:15)
He came out to see me. And then shortly before he died, I was going to see him. I called
him before that to let him know that I was going to stay with my mom, but I was going to
hang out with him.
(56:15 – 56:28)
And when I got off the phone, I could tell that he did not receive what I had to say the
way that I wanted him to receive it. So I called him back, and I said, you didn’t sound
right. And he says, no, I’ve really been looking forward to you coming.
(56:29 – 56:38)
To you being with me. Staying with me. Guys, in 1985, nobody wanted me anywhere,
man.
(56:39 – 56:54)
And here my brother dying, and he’s asking me to stay with him. The day before I left, I
went to Howard, and I said, Howard, I’m going to see my brother. And I know that it’s
going to be the last time that I see him alive.
(56:54 – 57:09)
And Howard, what do I say? And Howard looked at me and said, his life is in divine order.
Unfolding into goodness. Guys, I had a little trouble with that.
(57:09 – 57:29)
And on a long airplane ride from Phoenix to Buffalo, I went through a lot of stuff in my
head. And the next morning when I got up at Jim’s, I told him, I said, look, I said, I went
and saw my sponsor before I came here. And I told him the situation.
(57:31 – 57:41)
And he said, your life is in divine order. Unfolding into goodness. And I said, he gave me
an assignment years ago.
(57:42 – 57:56)
And I’d like to do it with you, with your permission. I’d like to look back through your life,
at the circumstances and events, and see if we can see together how God has pulled a
golden thread. And we were able to do that.
(57:56 – 58:15)
And the thing we noticed, is when he was sacrificing his desire to have his way, and he
was serving his wife and his church, those were the times where he was whole. Those
were the times where he had the best times in his life. And the experience that we went
through told us that we could trust what was happening in his life.
(58:16 – 58:25)
That it was okay, that we could trust that. That it was unfolding in the goodness, even if
we didn’t totally understand it. I left that experience.
(58:26 – 58:40)
My mom drove me to the airport, and I came home. And Jim died on July 15th of 2013.
And two weeks later, my mom wasn’t feeling very good.
(58:40 – 58:50)
And they took her to the hospital. And over the next couple of weeks, her body started
shutting down. Things just stopped working.
(58:51 – 59:02)
And it was the morning before she died. And she woke up in that hospital bed, and she
asked for me. And I went there.
(59:02 – 59:15)
Well, first I went to Howard. And Howard told me her life was in divine order, unfolding
into goodness. I got there, and we sat in a room that night.
(59:15 – 59:25)
It was around midnight. The room was filled with her children and grandchildren. And
just the energy was so wonderful.
(59:25 – 59:32)
And we prayed, and we were there. And then I was alone with my mom. And I’m by her
bedside.
(59:33 – 59:42)
And I said, Howard told me to tell you that your life is in divine order, unfolding into
goodness. And she smiled and said, I know. I know, Mike.
(59:44 – 1:00:00)
She said, would you call Josh? She called. Josh, I just want to tell you how proud I am of
you for being sober. Would you call Tim? Tim’s my nephew.
(1:00:00 – 1:00:11)
He came out to live with us 10 years ago. He’s still there. Would you call Tim? Tim, I’m
proud of you.
(1:00:11 – 1:00:18)
I love you. Sober. See, I was struggling with that.
(1:00:18 – 1:00:32)
Because when I took my flight home to Buffalo, I thought, I don’t have any unfinished
business with my mom. We were good. I didn’t know why she wanted me there.
(1:00:32 – 1:00:47)
And I was making a phone call. And on the call, I had said something like, I didn’t
understand why she wanted me. And my sister-in-law came up and gave me a hug.
(1:00:48 – 1:01:06)
And she said, she didn’t want you here for her. She wanted you here for us. April of this
year, I was invited to speak in Las Vegas.
(1:01:06 – 1:01:14)
And I went in a day early. And I was sitting at a slot machine. And my phone rang.
(1:01:14 – 1:01:18)
And it was my brother. And I thought, I’m not going to take that. I’ll call him back.
(1:01:19 – 1:01:23)
And then my phone rang again. It was my nephew. And that time, I answered.
(1:01:25 – 1:01:33)
And he said, my dad is sick. My dad just choked on his food. He’s on life support.
(1:01:33 – 1:01:44)
He’s in the hospital. And two days later, he passed away. Now, again, I went back there.
(1:01:45 – 1:02:11)
This time, the family asked me to conduct the graveside service. I want you to know,
man, I was a guy that would cheer up this room by leaving. It was like somebody licked
all the red off my candy, OK? And here, Alcoholics Anonymous.
(1:02:12 – 1:02:20)
Well, Big John got to meet Bill Dodson. And he was just sober a couple of years. And he
looked at Bill Dodson.
(1:02:20 – 1:02:52)
And he said, Bill, what’s this AA deal all about? And Bill Dodson looked back at Big John
and said, John, have you stopped to think about what your life is made up of? And John,
being an attorney, said, no, I’ve been kind of busy. And Bill said, your life and mine and
the life of every alcoholic is made up of four things, thoughts, actions, habits, and
character. You ask me what Alcoholics Anonymous is? In here, we can teach you how
you can change your thinking.
(1:02:52 – 1:03:01)
From that, you’ll change your actions. You’ll develop new habits. And you can have the
life and the character of a person who is respectable.
(1:03:06 – 1:03:21)
And he also said, in here, in the fellowship of a second chance, a bell is not a bell until
we ring it. A song is not a song until we sing it. Love wasn’t putting our hearts to stay.
(1:03:22 – 1:03:30)
Love is only love when we give it away. AA is only AA when we give it away. God bless
you.
(1:03:54 – 1:04:23)
Thank you, Mike. At this time, I’ve asked Miracle from Hilo, Hawaii, to read a vision for
you. Aloha, Miracle alcoholic.
(1:04:24 – 1:04:31)
This is a vision for you. Our book is meant to be suggestive only. We realize we know
only a little.
(1:04:31 – 1:04:43)
God will constantly disclose more to you and to us. Ask him in your morning meditation
what you can do each day for the man who is still sick. The answers will come if your
own house is in order.
(1:04:43 – 1:04:53)
But obviously, you cannot transmit something you haven’t got. See to it that your
relationship with him is right. And great events will come to pass for you and countless
others.
(1:04:53 – 1:04:59)
This is a great fact for us. Abandon yourself to God as you understand God. Admit your
faults to him and to your fellows.
(1:05:00 – 1:05:07)
Clear away the wreckage of your past. Give freely of what you find and join us. We shall
be with you in the fellowship of the Spirit.
(1:05:08 – 1:05:26)
And you will surely meet some of us as you trudge the road of happy destiny. May God
bless you and keep you until then. Thank you, Miracle.
(1:05:28 – 1:05:39)
Let’s see. I would like to thank you all for joining us this evening. I would also like to
thank our readers, John, Leonard, Matt, and Miracle.
(1:05:40 – 1:05:54)
And a special thank you to Mike F for sharing his experience, strength, and hope with us
this evening. Thank you for allowing me to serve. Let’s circle up.
(1:05:54 – 1:05:57)
Please help me close this meeting with the responsibility statement.