It starts with a choice. For me it did anyway.
I used drugs to fit in at first. In 2001 I got prescribed Adderall. I chose to abuse this drug. Never did I dream that I would become an addict. In 2007 I went through a divorce and lost myself with Alcohol and eventually lost my home. My daughter and I moved back home with my Dad. In 2013 I was in a horrific car accident. I lost my tricep in my left arm, took a HARD hit to my head, had over 200 stitches in my arm and 13 staples in my head!! I was In a wheelchair 5 months due to a right broken ankle and torn MCLs in both knees. I was in and out of physical therapy the next 2 years!! That year there was a whole lot of Pain Medication and then Methamphetamine, and a whole lot of pain. Emotional pain was the worst. I couldn’t numb myself as hard as I tried… So I numbed, and numbed and numbed.
My addiction turned into living in a vehicle mostly running trips to Pittsburgh to re-up on Oxycodone with my “Best Friend”. At this point I suffered with a mentally, emotionally and physically abusive relationship with my ex. I had caught him shooting up several times which I was completely against at this point of my life.
In 2016 I was still heartbroken from this breakup and couldn’t understand why he couldn’t just stop shooting up for me. I was at a low point and a buddy was around that was shooting up and had a clean needle on them and I just wondered why i wasn’t enough. It lingered through my mind of why my ex couldn’t quit so I bought a clean needle and I wanted to try it.. I needed to know what the big deal is with this shyt.. I thought I would try it and put it down. That wasn’t the case.. I got to the point where I was shooting at least .5 grams in 1 shot (Hair tingling, Eyes Shaking, Ears Ringing.. and WARMTH taking over my entire body. A “ooh shyt I might have done to much this time” kinda shot. A year and a half later there I was.. still sticking a needle in my arm, I couldn’t get out of bed without shooting Methamphetamines. I couldn’t do anything without Meth. I died while alive. The worst pain imaginable. I wasn’t picky about the drugs I abused; my addictions included just about anything I could get my hands on. Though I have been addicted to them all, the one drug that took my soul was meth. I’d sometimes sit alone in my room and start talking to people, only to look around and realize that no one, ABSOLUTELY NO ONE was there with me.. now that’s a scary feeling!!
But people can heal. They can change. They can forgive. It is not easy when a choice kills you. But we all make choices. Nobody forced me to do any of those drugs. I only knew it took away the pain. And that was all I needed but today…
*I choose to live*
My life today is consumed by recovery, every aspect of my life is helping others and living this way of life – a way that is so much better than the one I previously lived. When I think about where I’ve come from and the sadness I have experienced, only one thing comes to mind. God’s Grace.
Over this past 2 years I have come to learn so much about myself and the woman I’ve become. I love my sober life and I vow to fight this disease known as addiction. If you are struggling please I ask you to reach out! There is help available. April 16th of this year I will have 3 years clean. We can and do recover. Your family loves you. They are waiting for you to come home. We’ve lost too many lives to this disease.
-This story was submitted to Recoveryspeakers.com by Kristen Turner